I wasn't saying you ARE. Just in reading the post, it comes across like some of your subconscious motivations may be part of revenge/vindication/whatever. This [censored] is hard, and hurts so much, I never really can understand my true motivations until well after I've done something. That's why they say to let stuff simmer for a day or two to make sure you aren't acting out of emotion. Something that seems good at 2 in the morning may look horrible by 9.
And you're right. The WAS has to feel the consequences of their actions before any change can be made. I just don't think the LBS needs to push them; they'll get there on their own. My W is pushing so hard for a financial S ASAP. I just have no idea how she will maintain the lifestyle she's accustomed to on the finances she's going to encounter. We barely make it by as it is; now adding an apartment and everything else....I have no clue. But it's what she wants right now, so I'm not going to stand in her way. But by the same token, I don't need to kick her out of the house today if she's going to leave voluntarily in 3 weeks.
Granted, I cant imagine still living with my WAS in the state you're in. I can't even begin to understand the constant and regular hurt and sadness you must feel.
As for me, I really appreciate your kind thoughts. This is the hardest thing I've dealt with in my life, and I'm heartbroken that my daughters will grow up in a fractured family. I don't know how bad whatever pain I must have put my W through must have been to cause her to make this decision. I hate knowing that we could turn this around. I hate feeling like she's giving up too early. I hate knowing there's nothing I can do about it. But, I also know that by being here, by making the changes, by letting go, I'm doing everything I can to try to save this marriage. And I know that if it wasn't meant to be, that I'll come out of it as a better person and a better dad, and I will make it right next time. And don't worry about not having any advice for me - just knowing there's people out there listening and caring means so much to me. And if I can help someone along the way, then all the better.
