I felt like saing "What part of I have an attorney do you not understand" or "Perhaps the letter from my attorney stating he was representing me was not clear". Perhaps you thought I was going to drop my attorney like you asked me to do as you sat there crying about the "situation".
After reading the email she sent a couple of times, it became clear that she thought she could manipulate me to "mediate" even though she told me in writing that negotiations were over and she wasn't going to budge. That was the point when I hired my lawyer.
At this juncture, I could care less what she does. I am not lifting a finger to help her with this.
Her next email was:
Okay so we're going to have attorneys. I wish we had been able to do this another way.
and the next
For the record, this is a prime example of me not having a voice.
Ummm I did not have a "voice" when she started her affair and blew up our family. Our kids did not have a voice either.
Yep...many WASes expect the LBS just roll over and expose their belly so they can walk all over them AND take whatever they think they're entitled to.
I find it interesting that W made a jab at you about not having a voice or sliding in that guilt trip about 'wishing had been able to do this another way.'
It's freakin' obvious right there what W is trying to do here.
Yeah, I get how you feel here. Yep...totally.
Keep on keeping on, my friend.
BTW, you might want to call your L and give him/her a heads up about this exchange.
Wonka and DB Board - What is she really saying here?
Text -
Listen,...we've got 20 years of crappy communication to unlearn/relearn. We need to start somewhere.
Is she saying she wants to go to counseling to communicate better? I suggested us going to counseling MONTHS ago if she gave up her A/P for 1 month. She refused and told me "Ask me again in 3 months". I didn't ask again.
Enough focus on that issue - I take a trip tomorrow out of town and I am glad to take a break for a day. It's a work thing but a get away is a get away. I am happy for the distraction and happy that I have a career that I love and am good at.
I will take some work out clothes so I can work up a sweat after dinner in the gym. My kids have already told me what they want me to bring home for them!
Have you been texting in between these? Something's in her bonnet tonight, that's for sure.
What does she expect you to do? Cater to her every whim? It sure seems like it. I think you said all you needed to say in the first reply. No reason to keep going to add to her little tantrum.
When I am upset at my H, I start texting him and giving him a piece of my mind. He ignores it. I text more, he ignores it more...
Eventually, I realize what I'm doing and apologize and say again what I need, but calmly and reasonably...then he responds.
I suspect it's easier for him cuz he's already detached. So, if we plan to detach, we ought to do the same.
I say continue to ignore all the text venom. Youve seen in the past that eventually this clears up and she starts civil communication again. I see it as a good sign in yer story that she is involved enough emotionally still to get upset.
Her being upset when youve done nothing wrong is good. It means karma is working on her and she is feeling consequences. It's part of her process that she's chosen to work through on her own and possibly must work through entirely on her own.
Hugs!
M: 16y 3 adult kids, 2 young kids H filed D May/15, no svc yet Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? ~ Abe Lincoln WAKE UP. WORK HARD. FORGIVE. REPEAT.
I'm at mid-April in yer story thread. Catching up slowly...
I see a lot of growth in you. You and I are on about the same timeline -- signs of big trouble in Oct and then bigger probs in Dec/Jan with separation and D discussions/actions. I read where your thoughts are at in a certain month and I think, "yup....yup...that's where I was then, too..." Then in a later month I read where you're more detached and logical and I think, "yup....that's about when I made that same realization..." We're getting there, you and me. We cannot ignore our small victories -- our children deserve the efforts we make here.
Some days when I feel highly disgruntled that I should have to shelve my feelings AGAIN, and STfruitU, AGAIN...it helps me to think that I don't have to do this out of love for my spouse every time. Often that is not a sufficient motive. But I can do it out of love for my kids. And love for my Savior. (Edgy, I know, but I read you are religious.) I can treat my H the way GOD thinks he deserves to be treated at times when the way *I* think he deserves to be treated is less than graceful.
After all, forbid that any of us should ever get only what we truly deserve.
K, so, just interjecting that thot while I finish catching up on yer thread.
Hugs!
M: 16y 3 adult kids, 2 young kids H filed D May/15, no svc yet Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? ~ Abe Lincoln WAKE UP. WORK HARD. FORGIVE. REPEAT.
I know i have a lot of posts . Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes - all a bunch of BS but what can we do but slog through it.
I am trying very very hard to detach, not take the bait, recognize potholes and to remember that this has nothing to do with me ( or you). We all have to deal with the cards that have been dealt with period. Call if faith, fate, karma whatever.
It's taken me a while to stop with the "why" questions and now it's GAL for me, for my kids. I view my w and other WW as wounded and hope they make it through their choices too. I've gone through it all , anger, shock, fear, panic, etc... I am human and have feelings.
My sitch reminds me of addicts who are mad at their families for their negative reactions to their behaviors, does that make sense? They feel entitled to do drugs sleep on their Moms couch when they are 45 and get mad when their families say enough and "what are you so upset about?. They simply can't get that their behaviors caused the reactions , on their minds it's reversed. Your reactions caused my behaviors. So that's a screwy dynamic.
I hope me process goes as smoothly as possible and I can come out with pride integrity and compassion. We"ll see and I will keep posting.
