I've read this book, "Men are from Mars", and "His Needs Her Needs" and I think that I have a pretty good understanding that the rejections have nothing really to do with how much she loves me. It doesn't ease the pains of rejections though. For me though, I still find myself completey confused at times as to why it is so difficult to just "throw me a bone" so to speak when she knows how important this issue is to me. Then that spirals downward into the "she just must not care/doesn't really love me/Im not what she wants" doledrums.
In reality, she has tried to improve some other areas that I have expressed disappointment in such as displays of affection that are non-sexual. And I've given her credit for that. Its just that the most important thing to me is that ML closeness, and I still am very unhappy with that issue.
It struck me last night lying in bed just WHY I think this is such a hard issue for a HD. Check me on this and see what you think:
In different orders, the needs of everyone revolve around Companionship, Comfort, Security, Admiration, Affection, and Sexual Fulfillment. And it struck me that in one way or another, all of these needs can be met to one degree or another by someone other than our spouses . . . . except for one. If we have to get all of these met by someone other than the spouse then of course we may not necessarily be happy with the spouse, but in general we can still be happy individuals. However, when we enter into marriage and make the commitment that sexual fullfillment will be limited to that one person we can no longer have that need met if the spouse refuses to meet it. In that case, I thought, for a person who is HD with a spouse that is LD, the HD cannot be a truly happy person because their number 1 need can no longer be met. At the same time, the LD can still have these needs met by their spouse or others if necessary.
It just seems to be one of life's inequities to me.
