It has helped me a bit, today, to look through the forums here and see that, even now, STBX is just following a script-- it really isn't me; it really is her.

In this case, yesterday she contacted me (this I'm about to describe was all by text) to say that she wanted to come get more of her stuff-- particularly her bike, because soon it will be "bike to work" week. I checked my calendar and saw, to my surprise, that I actually am not going to be home at any time of the day or evening until next Tuesday. I wrote her back to suggest that day. She asked if I could leave a key for her somewhere so she could do it on her own, and I said no (I don't want her to have free access to this place, even if it is just the storage area). So she then agreed to next Tuesday, and I replied that I would let her know if anything changed between now and then.

I realized she would've been taken aback by my declining to allow her a key, but I wasn't prepared for the sudden spew. She suddenly said, a half-dozen times over, variations on "Don't cancel. Do not cancel. Do not double-book-- be there," followed by "I'm already working around you. It is unfair of you to manipulate me like this," and then another few repetitions of "I will be there" and "don't cancel."

I didn't reply to this at all. I was sorely tempted-- I wrote one reply and then another, but then deleted it without sending, because what could I possibly say to dissuade her from her fantasy? Even when we were married and in love, she always refused to believe that I had no intention of manipulating or hurting her (calling me liar on more than one occasion) because that's what people do in her world.

And now I look through these forums and I see various people talking about how their WW or X or STBX spews unfounded accusations at them-- accusations of controlling, of manipulating, of "brainwashing". It's just part of the script.

Sigh. Don't we all wish that our spouses were smarter and stronger than this? Don't we wish that they had the moral character to resist such awful behavior, the intellect to understand the problem and figure out an alternative, and the emotional maturity to figure out how to rekindle their needs with us instead of OM or OW?

That's the real disappointment, isn't it-- that our spouse has failed us so completely.