I have been doing a lot of reading to try an understand my own relationship and women in general, and I am amazed out how different the two sexes are and how little they know about each other. So you need to realize that your preceptions of marriage will NOT be similar to your spouse, this is NORMAL. The trick is to try and understand your spouse better and find solutions (this is the hard part). This link 10 Emotional Needs in Marriage is from the author of "His Needs/Her Needs". He has a website that has tons of good information about fixing and creating great marriages. He has identified 10 basic emotional needs in marriage and then surveyed his clients to find out how men and women rank them in importance. What he found was that the 5 most important needs for one sex was the LEAST important needs for the other sex. That means that men and women are VERY different in what the want from their marriages. Here is the top 5 needs for the average man: 1) Complete Sexual Fulfillment 2) Recreational Companionship 3) Pysically Attractive Spouse 4) Domestic Support 5) Admiration
Now this is the average man. I personally have sex #1 and affection as #2. Now you can see that Sexual Fulfillment is the #1 EMOTIONAL need (yes emotional, not physical need) for the average man. Read up on the sexual fulfillment part on his website. Sexual fulfillment means haveing great sex with someone that DESIRES sex almost as much as the guy. It's all about your DESIRE for sex, not the actual act itself. Your man DESIRES you sexually, and he wants you to DESIRE him sexually just as much. It can be a tough concept for women to fully understand, mainly because you don't have tons of testosterone in your body. Women separate love from sexual desire, so women can love a person and yet not want to have sex with them. HD men can not distinguish between sexual desire and love. So your lack of sexual desire for him is seen as no love for him. It is complete rejection of him. Yea, it makes us guys seem shallow, but this is the way it works. We desire our women sexually, therefore we love them. Just remember this simple formula for HD men: LOVE = DESIRE = SEXUAL FULFILLMENT. They are all the same for HD men. When your husband is making love to you, it is NOT a physical act, it is the most intense EMOTIONAL CONNECTION that he is ever going to have with you. Women love communication, well sex is HIS most important way of communicating with you.
THere is another book that you might want to read called Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know that you might want to read. This is the best guide to HD guys like myself that I have seen. The FEMALE author of this book trys to explain male sexuality to women, as it is so different from what women experience. Basically, a man's life and his sexuality are FULLY integrated. There is very little about a man that does not involve his own sexuality. Reject a man sexually, and you reject him personally. Everytime you do, it will eat away another little pieceof his soul. Her book is great for explaining to women exactly how HD men work. I like to think of it as the Owners Manual for HD Guys. If you can follow her suggestions, you will have one VERY happy man.
As Dr. Laura says "Feed Him, Sex Him, Admire him, and he will work till his heart explodes to make you happy". She is right on the money.
