Wonka, Thank you for your words of wisdom. A couple of weeks ago, I took down photos on the wall with him on it. I also said I didn't want to go to the movies with him (date night). I think I'll keep on doing that until I'm sure he is serious about making our M work. I don't want to be in a rollercoaster of emotions again!
And yes, we have been doing MC, but she said to do IC's for now.
Thank you for all your help, Wonka. Talking to all of you helps me check on my emotions and my actions before doing things!
As previously mentioned, he said he wants to save the M and showed me his phone. He has been consistent in saying he wants to save the M these past few days. That's a milestone since he would flip flop every few days before. Last night, I asked to see his phone again. He did show it but was kind of defensive at first. I said if you really want to save the M then there has to be honesty and communication. I've told him what I want but I don't think he's serious about saving the M because he's not readily agreeing to what I'm asking. Any advice on how to handle my situation now?
Cadet, This coming Saturday is an MC appointment. I had IC with counselor first and then last week H did. After that, things got a little better. I guess when we're at MC he always flip flops whether to stay or go so she asked us come in individually for a couple of weeks.
Agree, it's not reconciliation. So do I continue doing DR, LRT, 180? What do I tell him when now he constantly says he wants to save the M? That I'm not going to believe him until I see action?
Agree, it's not reconciliation. So do I continue doing DR, LRT, 180? What do I tell him when now he constantly says he wants to save the M? That I'm not going to believe him until I see action?
If he brings it up, then you can have this thoughtful look on your face and calmly state that "it's not that simple anymore. There's been a ton of damage and you (H) need to put real, genuine effort to earn back my trust. We need to go slow here and there will be a long road ahead of us."
Keep going with your DBing efforts....don't lose your focus.
Thanks for checking in on me. Just checked out your story. What has helped me the most is reflecting on where I can change and what I control. Was I happy? If not, what do I want to be happy. Creating those "must haves" and "nevers" helped me let go of my H reactions. I spent a ton of time reading blogs and articles in affairs, EAs, falling out of love and working to be back in love. They all helped me own what I had done in the relationship to get us into trouble. I can only fix my own errors not his.
This mess has made me realize I didn't like the person I had become. This unhappy, angry version of me was showing up at work and home. I don't want to be like that. I want to be happy and enjoy life again. Now I do things that bring more happiness to me.
Take care.
M:34 H:34 S:4 I love you's:2004 Married: 2008 BD: March 2015 EA revealed: May 2015
Thanks, Lynn. I've been constantly thinking about what I can change in me. I kind of lost myself being married with 2 little kids. Now I realized I have to think about me, how can I be better person. Cheers to us!
