I just joined yesterday and Toots pointed me to your thread. I have just finished reading it (or rather both) and am honestly shocked at the number of similarities between our paths...but as someone mentioned, the script is the script for the WAS. The fact that we both wake up at 2 and can't get back to sleep was another little tidbit that surprised me! I can at least say that now the wake up time has moved to 4 thankfully. But there are many nights where I still end up with only 2 or 3 hours of sleep. And I am a first year head of school/principal, so that isn't really working out for me. Lately though, I have managed a few nights with 5 hours. The really sick feeling in the stomach has passed and my appetite is coming back some. And that is easier the more I detach. But my H isn't in my face/space as much as your W's is. That would be much harder and you are doing well.
I sensed something a few weeks before your bomb dropped and thought it was peri-menopause and messed up hormones when really it was my intuition telling me something was terribly, terribly wrong. My H feels that living as roommates is a good solution even though he says he knows he should just move out and would if he could. We still share a bed (although we had a few days where we didn't) and I am really debating on whether kicking him to the guest bed would help or hurt.
I think my "favorite" part (it that even an appropriate thing for me to say) as I got toward the end of your thread is just how much our WASes want to "help us" and are so sorry they are "hurting us." Good grief!
I am feeling the same challenges with detachment as you are. Ok one minute or hour and unable to manage it the next. My H continues to be affectionate and loving while I keep creating more distance...when all I want is to melt into that affection and love. This is so incredibly hard. And we have a 6 year old in the mix. So trying to insulate him is really difficult.
You are doing an amazing job of coping. Hang in there! We will through this and one day our spouses will wonder why they did this to such amazing people.
The fact that we both wake up at 2 and can't get back to sleep was another little tidbit that surprised me! I can at least say that now the wake up time has moved to 4 thankfully. But there are many nights where I still end up with only 2 or 3 hours of sleep. And I am a first year head of school/principal, so that isn't really working out for me. Lately though, I have managed a few nights with 5 hours. The really sick feeling in the stomach has passed and my appetite is coming back some. And that is easier the more I detach. But my H isn't in my face/space as much as your W's is. That would be much harder and you are doing well.