Is there a bottom?

[bravo61]

yeah thanks Zues that'll be something great to relive. hope you are doing well.

well just came from S baseball party. the XW was there w/my D too.

when they pulled up, XW asked me to talk to S about his attitude. apparently he got upset and screamed at her about the divorce. i just told him i understood he was not happy about it but that he still needed to show his mother respect and to not let it happen again. couldn't help but wonder if she was passively agressively blaming it on me as she has done in the past. i let her know that i agree that behavior was out of line. if she wants to blame me whatever, i don't really care.

she came up to me and asked if i wanted a salad bar and to sit with them. i smiled and said thanks for the offer but i'll pass. she then asked me to pull up a chair with them. i told her i appreciate it but that's ok. i went outside and made a couple of calls. i just didn't want to sit with them like we were a family. it's not like i was trying to spite her i just didn't want to. after my calls, i came inside and sat in the corner watching a game on tv until the trophies were presented.

after, i went to go give D a hug and kiss when XW said "you could have sat with us. i wasn't gonna do anything. i'm sorry if i offended you by dragging you into it". i let her know pleasantly that i wasn't mad at her or offended and everything was fine. she seemed really put out and said again that she was sorry if she offended me and i didn't have to go outside. she also said that S had not had a outburst like that in a couple of weeks since we had "addressed" it (when she sent me a email that she ran through her atty stating that she had the kids best interest at heart and i should not be using them as "spies". and what she did/whom she saw was none of my business and potential new relationships shouldn't be forced on the kids soon. in spite of the fact that she went on a date with a guy that she had a playdate with previously-hypocrite much).

i validated that S was wrong to speak to her like that regardless of his feelings. i gave kids hugs and left.

so overall i was pleasant but did not reach out to her or play like we are a happy family but i was not obvious about it she was very obviously irritated by my behavior and lack of focus on her. not mind reading as when she's upset she gets a red rash across the top of her chest. i did not let her rattle me and i did not respond when she tried to push my buttons.

all this on top of yesterdays interaction at the Dx appt for my D. she asked about my day and i kinda walked off to get books to read my D while we waited. just kind of getting into a pattern of deflecting or ignoring when she asks about me or ask her about the upcoming schedule to push the conversation in another direction.

don't think she knows how to feel about any of this. i know she was shocked that i didn't jump to defend myself or ask her if she's ok or immediately start telling her i had nothing to do with his outburst. no more crumbs for me. i deserve more than that. it has been a solid year and i still do not lose my cool, blame her for my life circumstances, question her, or tell her how to feel or that she's made and is still making a huge selfish mistake.

i still love her but i'm feeling the "done" coming on.