Thanks for advice, Matt and Job. Ok, will opt for nothing for bday, including text.
Job, Thanks for sharing your PI experience. I will hold on to evidence and not do PI for now. Money us better spent on DB coach or things for myself. I did not see any of your threads. Did you and your H reconcile?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
My threads are no longer in existence as my "event" took place back in the late 90's and those threads were purged.
Did I reconcile w/my h? No, my xh divorced me in 2002 and married the ow in 2003.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I like your goals too, BW05. I need to set similar ones. Although I'm really fighting some serious depression right now, I know the only way to kick it is to focus on me.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I have started to realize a great deal of my unhappiness was brought on by myself. In my M, I forgot to make myself a priority. Instead I focused too much on helping make my H's dream (school) a reality. Especially given what is going on now, for what?! Quite frankly, I think it was just an excuse though. It is scary to have to look at yourself and your own dreams and how to make it all a reality. Much easier to focus energy on others.
My goals for next three months:
-- Lose an additional 18 lbs by end of summer. I have already lost around 25. -- Take do a creative class-art, graphic design, photography, etc. -- Make some new friends and try some new Meetup groups. -- Work on figuring out next career move. I am in a bit of a transition spot. -- Get out and enjoy the summer with some weekend trips with friends.
Overall, figure out what happened to the fun and lively person my H married. Sad part is that I have a hard time remembering who that person was.
Great goals BW! 25 pounds is fare amount of weight, be proud of yourself. Career moves are tough with everything going on, I'm playing with them myself. Lots of transition.
Sounds like you've got a really positive outlook for the summer, and will truly be taking care of yourself. Good on you.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Just got caught up on your thread and will post shortly. Yes, career changes are tough, but I have been putting off for about 5 + years because of H's schooling and job status. I was the primary income earner and was hard to make move. Then when H graduated, he spent year applying for jobs. Many were outside of our State, so did not want to make career move then only to be temporary. Now with our current situation I thought about delaying again. I finally realize I have to stop letting H and his circumstances dictate what I do. Maybe an entirely brand new start would be refreshing.
Trying to get back down to pre-marriage weight!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
H is unbelievable. Monday before he left on work trip temper tantrum and barely acknowledged my presence and left with no goodbye. No communication over past three days other than phone call attempt but no VM.
Comes home today acting like nothing happened. I was friendly enough but indifferent to his return. Then gets huffy that I did not return VM?! Seriously, he who randomly decides what texts to respond to of mine. I blew it though and said there was no VM. Wish I would have stayed quiet. At least he spent two days thinking I was ignoring him. Stayed in room with him a bit but no talking to him. Left room and went up to bedroom with no word.
Not 10 minutes later asks if there is reason I am not talking to him. Replied no, just chilling. Whateves...feeling like a success!!
Last edited by BW05; 06/04/1501:47 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Can someone explain to me if there is a different detachment approach for a wayward H versus wayward W? Also, same for dealing with ongoing affair? I want to make sure I am detaching and dealing with A in the right way. Most info I have seen is geared towards WW.
I can tell my H thinks I am mad at him and I assume that is normal. I am trying not to be cold, but by nature of pulling back it is going to seem that way. Just keep saying nothing is wrong? Or is it ok to verbally say I am moving forward with or with out you because of the choices you continue to make/ you have fired me as your wife?
Thanks
Last edited by BW05; 06/04/1507:00 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Detachment should be the same whether it's a man or woman and the same for people in affairs.
As for your h thinking you are mad at him...well, that's his guilt coming to the surface. Of course, he's going to think you are mad at him because he knows that if you had done this to him, he would have been furious. He's really trying to figure out where your head is at and what you do know.
Actually you don't have to tell him that you are moving forward with or without him. Actions speak louder than words.
Detaching can be applied to any situation. I don't recall if you've read the Detachment thread or not, but I'm posting the link below.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
