My story pt 2

[Kembo05]

Thank you for the advice and encouragement Sandi!!

Kembo, you may see her show up in tears (pity party) or tempting you to have sex with her (relationship temperature check), but a WW does not just show up with a humble and loving/forgiving attitude. She has to go through a lot of stuff, first.

I need to constantly remind myself of this. I am an action person so I always dive head first into things; but I know that isn't how my W is going to act.

And listen, speaking of forgiving....don't let her turn things around and make you feel that she should be forgiving you.
She is the one who is wayward and wanting out of the M, not you! Don't be the one begging for her forgiveness and thinking that will influence her in coming back. (Which I think you tried, in the the beginning.) An important part of the turning from her waywardness will be for her to feel remorse over her actions and treatment of you and what's she's done to the kids. You cannot rescue her by taking the blame for everything, b/c that takes away the remorseful stage she needs to experience. And, I know you want to do that.....b/c almost every guy that's been in your shoes wants to kiss and make up, so he thinks apologizing is what he has to do first (just like you've probably done in the past). The last thing you want, is for a WW to come back to the MR with a haughty attitude, snugly placing all the blame on you for her behavior. You can't kiss and make up with a WW. That's not to say there is nothing you can do, b/c there is. It just won't be the plan you had in mind. There are no 1-2-3 steps in this stuff, and you can't learn it all at once. So, stick with us.

this is a perfect reminder for me. She may have had some feelings of remorse for her actions but nothing in her behavior has shown that. I also have to remind myself she had the affair! I try to think about what I would have done if this happened while we were dating and/or engaged. Never in a million years would I think I would be catering to her after such a terrible decision...i'm sure I'm not the first one to say that though.