Seeking clarity on next step - The Divorce Remedy

[Sotto]

Hi Aix, I'm sorry you're here, but you are amongst friends and you will find much support and wisdom on these boards. You'll be on moderation initially, but post little and often and you'll soon be off moderation. My thoughts on your questions are:

1) The motto here tends to be hope for the best and plan for the worst. If you need those pics, I would hire a PI, get them sorted and have them available should the 'worst' happen. Of course H never need know should you not need them.

2) I think this is less about DB and more about what you are comfortable with in terms of boundaries. Do you feel it is appropriate for your H to be conducting two R's simultaneously? Sounds to me like he wants to maintain the status quo. If you read Diffrent's thread in newcomers, the advice to her has been to stop her W and say - please don't do that, it's not appropriate.

3) Again, similar to 2. Do you feel comfortable sharing a bed with your H knowing that he is ML to another woman too? What are your boundaries on this? I moved out straight away, but others on the board have continued to share a bed. I would always suggest no is best - for your self preservation, detachment, and perhaps your presence will be missed. However, I would ask him to leave the marital bed, not you.

4) All unfaithful spouses want that. Oh, can't we just go on as we are? I really care about you. Oh, but I have feelings for her too. I just can't decide..In DB, the advice is not to issue ultimatums, but just begin to GAL, act 'as if' and see how things go.

Can I ask what happened in his previous marriage? Did infidelity play a part of the demise of that relationship?

Hang on in there and keep posting. I'm not going to lie - this won't be easy, but trust the DB process, it really does help people.

Take care, T :-)