Hi sweetie. Back in the day on here we used to talk about an MLC store..filled with patience shovels and cell phone clothes (long story). I like your additions.
So, this stuff succcks. It's hard and frustrating and downright confusing. That's the bad news.
The good news is that you are doing great. Really.
You have chosen a tough road. I know it feels like you have no power here. The truth is that you have a great deal of it. You can get off the road at any time. But the real power is that you are in control of you. And thats really the only person or thing you can control.
Here's what was one of the most important things to me when I went through this. I wanted to be able to say that I honored my marriage, my vows and the father of my child. I did this by knowing that I tried as hard as I could to save my marriage. I wanted to be able to tell my son if he asked...and he did, that I did all I could. That mattered to me..and to him.
I knew I could quit at any time. I knew that I was being true to who I was.
I also knew that I could not do it at the expense of me. I mattered, too.
You just keep going until you cant. The hope is that your marriage will be saved if its meant to be. But whether it is or not, Luke...just know that you have become who you were meant to be and thats pretty freakin amazing.
Oh I get that I do have the power, I have allowed myself to think about how much easier it is to cut ties, drop rope and focus on just me and S .... this is the harder road, the one where I am not sure where it all ends... the one that I know I will have to make a choice if W2.0 and Cali2.0 are even compatable, knowing I have invested all this time and could easily consider it a waste .... but thats not the real truth.
The real truth is I needed this journey maybe more than W needed hers. I realize I have the benefit of seeing WHY I had to go through this ... W not so lucky
Its just such a long process, I still have a long way to go. I realized yesterday I become less patient and more ... antsy ... when my GALs are not in full swing .. and the past month they have'nt been. Thank goodness Football just started up.
