Onwards and upwards.

[Mozza]

Juicy! I won't be the one disapproving of your steamy encounters. I'm glad to know that it was fun and that you might see another side of sex. While the general wisdom here is that faithfulness is the way back into a healthy M, I would personally hope that this encounter would raise your expectations of sex and bring a new level of satisfaction in your married life, be it with WW or your next partner.

There's zero chance of R between her and I now, and she continues to treat me like a stranger.

These statements drive me nuts. You don't know that. You just don't. And for just about everyone who have reconciled on these boards, there seems to have been a phase of hopelessness. Just ignore it. I also feel like there's a zero chance, but then I catch myself and realize that I don't know that. I just have to have the maturity to accept that. It's outside of my control. Today is not like tomorrow and we LBS should know that more than anyone.

Another thing that I would encourage you to do is to take more responsibility. I understand that your friend pushed you to be online, but it's irrelevant. You did it of your own free will. If he pushed you to fire a gun in a crowd, you would have told him he's crazy. You used your friend to do something you wanted, which is to meet women. I mention it because you bring up your friend twice, suggesting it's important to you to share the responsibility.

This is a theme that repeats itself a lot in your story, where you find some way to avoid responsibility for your behaviors. Trying to cover your actions with words is another such way. I see where this is coming from: the fear of shame and rejection. I have the same. But I have learnt so much from expressing myself clearly, facing and surviving rejection, that I want to encourage you to just plainly state what you want and do and admit that it's because you wanted it.

There's a lot of positive in your post. It's good to see how much effort you put in keeping in contact with your kids. Also, I'm glad to know that you're getting closer to being back in your home. I can see why you want it. I'm curious to see how it will work out though, given all the family memories in there. As for the D proceedings, please keep sharing how it goes. I'd say that things are a little frosty between WW and I, though always cordial on the surface. But it feels like we're both putting on fake smiles and politeness when we talk.

I'm very glad you came back to update us. Looking forward to your next update.