Onwards and upwards.

[Barry]

Hi all
(thanks Mozza, good to hear from you...great work in your sitch, and yet again I see similarities as you'll read later).

So here I am, over 5 months in. It's been several weeks since my last post, and a lot has happened in that time.
This could be a lengthy post.

To update my sitch...I've filed for D, and stbx should be served any day now. We did have some delays but overall, the online divorce process seems fairly straightforward. I have had to do some chasing up though. If there were any "battling it out" to be done, I wouldn't advise it be done online but if things are amicable then it is possible to D at a fraction of the cost.

There's zero chance of R between her and I now, and she continues to treat me like a stranger. We have NC except for anything about the kids (rare), or critical updates on the D. We're currently thrashing out the final financial details for the Consent Order to be drawn up. It's not ALL amicable but we're getting there. I'd describe things as "frosty" between us at best.
I have the finances in place to pay stbx her £10k, so hopefully in the next 4 weeks or so I can move back home with the kids and she can do whatever it is she wants to do. The sooner the better.

In my last posts I was saying about having some issues with my S13 at school, this is far more settled now. I've taken over completly from stbx as regards his schooling and we are making progress. Slowly, but progress nonetheless.
All the kids and I have spent as much time as we're able with each other, but what with either living away, working shifts, school, exams, dance classes etc, it has been somewhat limited.

It hasn't been easy being away from the family environment. I've gone from being the Dad and Husband in a family of 6, to feeling very alone sometimes. It's partly their ages too, they would have been out most of the time with their friends even if me and stbx we still together. I don't expect them to put their own lives on hold because of our sitch. It's part of their coping mechanism too. Whatever helps them, helps them. They all have this to cope with too, and all I can do is be here for them...they aren't little any more.

Regarding my own emotional state these days, as I've said before, I was going for longer and longer each time before having any real tears, even though I felt upset and angry. The anger was more productive for me. I had one night about a month ago where I'd arranged to meet S13 and he bailed on me. D16 wasn't ansering my calls, S18 was at work and S20 lives away and I couldn't get hold of him either. I hadn't seen any of the kids for about a week and any contact was initiated by me...every time. It was starting to feel like I was actually being punished for leaving the house and them at Christmas. It wasn't a good night.
It's not like that really, and it all got sorted out in the end. Thankfully, I haven't had any emotional outbursts since then. I continue to take anti-depressants. I've had a serious case of man-flu for a week or so now, it's a wonder I can even type this out lol.

So anyway, speaking of feeling alone.
A good friend of mine introduced me to online dating. I was very skeptical about the whole thing but agreed to make a profile on a well known site. I put a recent picture on and left it at that.
I had quite a few hits. I was pleasantly surprised. Some weren't my type but there were some attractve women, fairly local, who had sent me messages.

Now I knew I wasn't ready to be thinking of dating but I have to admit, it was exciting.

Under duress from my friend, I got talking to a few of them. Some came and went, but three were keen on meeting up and I kept up the conversations with all three for a few weeks. Anyway, I met one for a coffee and although I knew we were going to get on (we'd spoken on the phone a few times), there was no connection as such. We both said so, said we'd keep in touch (we have) and wished each other luck. I met another for a drink in a country pub - loving summers day. I tell you, this woman turned up looking like a supemodel. Unfortunatly, she didn't have the personality to match and was a dull as dishwater....NEXT!!

So then I meet up with the third one. I'd been talking to her for around a month and we'd gotten to know each other fairly well. We'd chatted on the phone a few times and she invited me to her house for dinner. I went, and was both excited and terrified. The last first date I'd been on was 24 years ago.
Her daughter (who loved in the flat opposite) was there too and we all had a good laugh, and some very nice food. Anyway, time was getting on, and the daughter went home. I stayed for a final coffee before hitting the road and one thing led to another.
I stayed the night.

I wasn't really expecting that to happen. I honestly thought I was going for dinner with someone who had become a freind through our online and phone conversations. I'm not gonna lie though, I've never had a night quite like that before.
I met up with her again a few days later and she was even more keen than last time. It was all really fun but it felt too much too soon. I spoke with her about it and ased her if we could put things on hold for a while whilst I deal with my immediate sitch first. She understood and was fine about it. We keep in touch but I think we both know my hearts not in it. The contact is tailng off. I learnt a lesson there....slow down!!

I'm only looking out for Barry and his kids now. I just want to go home.
I'll get there soon enough.

Till next time, take care all.

Barry