The END Hopefully they live happily ever after....

[DFE]

Today was a hard day. I almost went to an outpatient clinic for anxiety and stress. It got to be too much. Isn't this supposed to stop after the divorce?

All the advice I get is so logical. I would give someone the same advice. I just don't know what's wrong with my brain that it can't process it.

I've been suspicious of him having an out of town girlfriend for about two years now. Nothing serious I think just someone he talks to once in a while. He has made 4 trips to see her or as he says he is going alone to the beach. I think I know who it is and I should be happy that she is nothing like me but it hurts. I am told by everyone that meets me that I am stunning. Beautiful, fit, successful yet I don't feel any of those things because of everything I have been dealing with for the last several years. Then to see her just kills me.

I don't know how to get past this and move on. I know we are D. I know that he has zero taste and never deserved me. I know that I should move on but it hurts me to the core.

He hasn't spoken to me in 2 weeks because I told him he couldn't stay at my house while I was away. He sent me an email the other day and I responded with a nasty response. I had been drinking and was hurt. The next day I called a truce (why do I need to call a truce I have done nothing) but he said he didn't want a friend like me. That killed me. WHY???

I don't understand it. I should say the hell with you. You don't want to be my friend, you aren't in love with me, you aren't attracted to me but you are to that nasty woman, you don't want to be with me yet I am crying my eyes out over you. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. I want him to admit to me that he was seeing her when we were together. I want the opportunity to speak with him but just like our entire marriage he is giving me the silent treatment.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel there is something wrong with my brain and I am going to get sick over this whole thing. I have had a tumor before and I don't want to go through anything like that again.