I'm with you, where sometimes I invest so much time and thought in the DB strategies that I don't stop to ask myself if I even really want WW back. I think it's perfectly ok to ask that question.
I can see what your saying here, but not sure I completely agree. Yes, we all have those times when we question if this is the person we want to be with or not and I think that's fine. I guess what I don't agree with is using that as a basis for giving up or not right now.
What our WAS/WW's are doing right now certainly makes us not want to be with them. No one likes this behavior or wants it in a spouse, but the possibility for change is there just as it was for us.
That being said, in most of our cases our S had the same feelings about us. They had unmet needs, unhappy in the M and didn't FEEL like being with us anymore. Basically, they seen us a person they wanted to move on from and leave no doors open. The possibilities for walking away and finding someone better is higher than standing and doing hard work they might not want to do.
To me, it just seems more like the whole "grass is greener" argument. I understand at some point we do make the decision to move on because it would be unhealthy at some point to not move forward, but I feel we all try to make it way to soon and push the thought into our heads. When we begin to FEEL positive about ourselves and our changes and FEEL negative about who our WAS/WS's are, just seems like a bad time to force that question.
That's why I feel the most important thing we can do is to just keep moving forward with our lives. One day when we are capable of having a healthy relationship with another person, and that opportunity presents itself, then that door naturally closes. No reason to make a decision to close it now.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
