Thanks for the post and encouragement once again everyone. RAI, thank you for sharing that.
It's not too late. I just have to keep telling myself that this is for my daughter. Obviously for my marriage too, but that will take a lot of time and patience.
Do it for her. I need to remember that.
Hi mate. So a wee setback. Ok, that's fine. Not the end of the line. At least you recognise the objective here. But, and I think about this a lot. What if she doesn't come back? What are we (and I mean us both here) doing to be prepared for that eventuality?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Woke up with a different form of anxiety today. Instead of the sick, dreading feeling, one that comes from the need to pursue, it's a nervous, shaky feeling that I haven't felt before.
Rehearsals for my show start tonight. I know I'm nervous about that. Hopefully this is my body and mind shifting into survival mode and GAL activities.
I miss my wife today. I really miss her. Or at least the old her. The one who would wake me up with a kiss and a smile and an "I love you" on occasion.
I need to stay detached. I need to FOCUS ON ME.
We had a "nice" talk last night. Apologies on both sides for the fight earlier. I'm making eye contact when she talks. I'm working on empathy and validation.
IC on Thursday afternoon. I'm going to get my counselor to help me shift from talking about R to talking about ME. It's time to focus less on how to save the M and instead focus on how to save ME.
L consultation tomorrow afternoon...again, to focus on ME. I need to know that I will be able to see my Daughter at least 50%. The fact that I want to be with her is driving W nuts. I hate that she can't accept that if the M ends that she will have to let me see our daughter. It's the driving force behind our conflict right now.
Also, W told me yesterday that she doesn't feel that I financially support her. This is one of her primary needs in any relationship - to feel as though her H has her back financially and she can stop working if she wants to. It's expensive to live where we do. I'd need to make 200 k just to stay level with where we are now, and about 250 k if we were to move to a nice house. Apparently the only way I can win is if I magically become the CEO of a company somewhere.
The feeling could be the fear. I had that to begin with as well. You'll get over.
I'm confused about a couple of things though. Perhaps you could explain some more. Your WW doesn't want you to see your child after you split? Why? Did I miss something? And this financial support, when are you supposed to provide this(assuming for a minute you could)? After she leaves? Not sure if she realises that once she leaves she'd be on her own? You would of course look after your child. Here, the law is simple. S9 will be with me 50% of the time. And because of that WW doesn't get a penny from me.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Oh, and stop thinking in terms of winning and losing. Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
W told me yesterday that she wants me to leave the house, and wants me out of her life, but on the other hand, she doesn't want me to talk to a lawyer of file for D because she can't stand that she will have to give up 50% of the time she spends with D2 now. Darned if I do, darned if I don't I suppose. I know she is just trying to mind control by telling me she wants it both ways.
I'm pretty sure it would be 50% time split evenly, unless she could convince a judge that it's better for D2 to be in the home she's currently in. That's what I'm talking to the L about tomorrow.
I caught myself after I hit post on the "win" comment. oops.
Hey. Mate. GB has just posted a GOLDEN message on Defacto's thread. Go read it.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
As I indicated further up the thread, I told my wife Saturday that I was talking to a L on Tuesday this week. She almost immediately "called it off" with OM, but then yesterday admitted to me that she hates me for having to do that, only did it for D2, and that she can't stand the thought of having to give up half of her time with D2.
I believe she thinks that this will prevent me from going to the Attorney, and I'm sure she expects that whatever empty "gesture". She made in "ending it" with OM justifies her expecting me to cancel tomorrow's meeting.
Well, I fully intend on keeping the meeting with the L tomorrow. In fact, just confirmed the appointment on the phone.
Here is the question: I GUARANTEE that W is going to ask if I met with the L. Any suggestions on the response I should give?
I'm thinking something in the way of "Yes." That's it.
WHEN she asks "why", I will simply say..."Because I think it is the appropriate thing for me to do given our current circumstances."
If she pursues further, then I will simply say "I don't wish to talk about this right now", and remove myself from the situation.
surely just yes will do? If she pushes then you say 'I need to look after myself and D"?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
