Woke up with a different form of anxiety today. Instead of the sick, dreading feeling, one that comes from the need to pursue, it's a nervous, shaky feeling that I haven't felt before.
Rehearsals for my show start tonight. I know I'm nervous about that. Hopefully this is my body and mind shifting into survival mode and GAL activities.
I miss my wife today. I really miss her. Or at least the old her. The one who would wake me up with a kiss and a smile and an "I love you" on occasion.
I need to stay detached. I need to FOCUS ON ME.
We had a "nice" talk last night. Apologies on both sides for the fight earlier. I'm making eye contact when she talks. I'm working on empathy and validation.
IC on Thursday afternoon. I'm going to get my counselor to help me shift from talking about R to talking about ME. It's time to focus less on how to save the M and instead focus on how to save ME.
L consultation tomorrow afternoon...again, to focus on ME. I need to know that I will be able to see my Daughter at least 50%. The fact that I want to be with her is driving W nuts. I hate that she can't accept that if the M ends that she will have to let me see our daughter. It's the driving force behind our conflict right now.
Also, W told me yesterday that she doesn't feel that I financially support her. This is one of her primary needs in any relationship - to feel as though her H has her back financially and she can stop working if she wants to. It's expensive to live where we do. I'd need to make 200 k just to stay level with where we are now, and about 250 k if we were to move to a nice house. Apparently the only way I can win is if I magically become the CEO of a company somewhere.
