If you asked, I'm pretty sure every single person here's spouse would say that the LBS was "emotionally unavailable".
There are ways to show you are emotionally available without being her friend. Do you have mutual friends? Engagements with her family?
You don't necessarily want to develop a "friend" relationship. There is a way to not be "selfish and unavailable" while not being friends.
You also don't need your changes to be noticed while you're changing. I said in another thread that if you watch grass grow, you won't notice it....but what if you're gone for a month and come back?
