Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[jedi]

M7 - I can see where you're coming from and it makes sense to me. I'll try to start posting if for nothing more than mutual support for others here and to keep reminding myself of what I need to focus on.

Z - How about "I'm wrestling with everything?"

In all seriousness, I think I'm starting to detach ok. I'm keeping busy with friends, starting to learn to enjoy events without W by my side, and continue to learn about myself and am working on changing what I've decided are my flaws that helped lead to this situation. As I move forward I see these are all things that cannot be rushed, that only time can help me with. In essence, I'm relearning how to be me without someone else by my side. I think Codependent no more is going to be my next read.

All of that said, my biggest thing right now is how dark I need to be. If I'm understanding reasons correctly, my emotional unavailability and self centered manners were part of what led me here, so continuing to be unavailable and not showing interest in W as a person is NOT a 180 in my case. If the opportunity to be around and fully engage W on this level presents itself at her doing, well then I think denying this interaction just cause DB says so is the opposite of what I should be doing.

I do however agree that the key, at some point, is for WAS to feel the loss of us. However, if W has decided I'm always going to be selfish and unavailable, then feeling the loss of that version of me doesn't seem like it will resonate right now.

Would it not be better to keep some level of friendship in place for the time being, giving some time for my changes to be noticed, so long as it's not keeping me from moving forward with detachment?