Confused 5

[Joe46]

Thought I should vent on here a little. I know it is not good to bottle everything up inside. I struggled a little yesterday. I could feel a little bit of the hurt inside. It bothered me and to be honest, it is bothering me to be writing about it. I should be strong. I should not be having hurt feelings over someone leaving me because her job was more important and she wasn't happy with me anymore.

I feel like it is a bit of a blow to my self esteem and self confidence. I hope this changes because it does not feel very good. I think it feels so bad because I thought I was a good husband to my W. I admit that I was not perfect. But I was there for her. I took care of her. We laughed together and raised a family together. We enjoyed each others company. At least we used to.

I think what started these feelings was S7 cried Saturday night because he missed his mom. He has had a rough time this weekend. I also think this being our first weekend without her here effected us all. D12 seems to be doing better.

I have come to a realization over the weekend. I spent the 15 years that we were together being compared to her dad and brother. They are both ranchers out in CA. When I quit ranching and started this job in lumber sales, it may have changed her attraction to me. But it wasn't until the past year and half that I noticed her changing. She seemed so much happier that we were not stuck on a ranch somewhere. Her attraction to me seemed to improve when we first changed from this lifestyle. We had more time to be together. We had more time as a family. I should not have to change my career so my W is happy with who I am. I want someone to accept me for who I am no matter what job I am doing.