My BD #1 was on my 15th wedding anniversary. It hurts. I really sympathize.
"I am jealous of the fact that he now has full access to my wife." First, she is not really your wife - i.e. the woman you married - she is a completely different person (think alien abduction!). Second, do you still really want full access to your W the way she is treating you? Would you accept her back the way she is treating you right now? I certainly hope not. Your ego wants her back - I totally get that - because we want to control what WW is doing. And your memory wants her back because you long for your old W.
Also, you are assuming they are happy together. WW and OM are very broken people inside. What they have is an illusion. all smoke and mirrors. There is still nothing about which to be jealous. I get it, though - easier said than done. That is why we both need to detach. Day by day.
