Zues126: I don't think I am controlling. The therapist made it clear to the both of us at our first session that if we are going to keep pointing fingers at each other then we are wasting her time and our time. And when he said that he wanted to go back to counseling, I just reinforced what the therapist said to the both of us.
Regardless, if he asked for a gift or not, I was raised to say "thank you". It is called manners. I thank everyone for everything.
Yes, I want to communicate with me if he wants to end things because I am tired of living in limbo. I don't think anyone should live in limbo because it's not healthy.
Yes, there is resentment for towards him because of him having affairs, however if he did his part when we got back together four years ago, then that resentment would have disappeared. However, I am not letting that resentment control me. I don't sit and think about what he did, I sit and think about how I can change and we can put all this back together. The therapist told him that if he did work in this relationship, we would not be here today.
Here's what I read in your post:
You're wrong Zues. Therapist says I'm right he's wrong. Cultural manners say I'm right he's wrong. Courtesy and consideration say I'm right he's wrong. Reminder he had an affair, that was wrong. He didn't do his part after, that was wrong, therapist said so. I'm resentful, that's his fault.
I won't debate any of this with you because obviously I'd end up being wrong and I'm wrong enough times already without picking a losing battle.
They say when you say something about someone else you reveal more about yourself than about the person you're speaking about. When person A says something about person B, I don't know anything more about person B than that someone has an opinion about them, but I know person A is willing to share that opinion about someone else.
By the way, I've never met your H and have no doubt he is a flawed human, maybe not even someone you can be with. I'm not here defending someone I don't know.
I referenced a video on my thread that I'd recommend watching. It's 20 minutes or so. Has to do with expectations and score keeping with a new twist.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
