Tonight we went swimming and had dinner with my parents. My D was the first person in the pool this year. That is the first time in like 20 years that I wasn't the first one in. She's her Daddy's Daughter.
Tomorrow we will pick up around the house and might hit the beach in the afternoon. As for Sunday we are going to get on the boat and go fishing.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Tonight we went swimming and had dinner with my parents. My D was the first person in the pool this year. That is the first time in like 20 years that I wasn't the first one in. She's her Daddy's Daughter.
Hey mahhhty,
She sure is buddy! I am doing well. I finally decided to look at my own thread and just posted.
Have a fun weekend! You deserve it.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Got a question for you all. Need some help identifying the high road. My x still hasn't taken me up on my co parenting meeting offer. So issues are just growing and my sons birthday is coming up. We used to always have birthday parties for the kids here. I will be taking him out on his birthday (as I have him and it's during the week). Then the following weekend I think I'm going to throw him a party.
I think what I need to do is invite her to his birthday dinner and explain to her my plans for his birthday party. Thoughts?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
mahhhty, you are divorced right? I have been in and out on your situation.
I think we are in the same boat. I have a b-day coming up this weekend. Here is what I am doing. I am taking my kids camping, they love it and this is what he wanted to do. I am not inviting the XW.
We used to have a joint birthday party as my boy's b-days are within a month of each other; we would invite both sides of the family and friends and have a big to do. When we first divorced I think she assumed we would be friends and still do the joint part etc.
My opinion is when she decided to pursue the OM and want the D, she lost any chance of me wanting to "act" like a family with her, no more of me serving her cake.
I am now dark when it comes to interactions with my XW.
When it comes to the b-day, she will not be invited to any of the festivities I have planned. She is not welcome to the life I am leading now. She decided that when she wanted the D.
In other words, I would not tell her your plans or invite her to anything. You are divorced and she has no right to your family.
It may sound harsh, but that is how I feel. She will not get any more cake from me, literal or figurative.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
That's a tough one, mahhhty. Gogofo brings up some good points in regards to DB etiquette and essentially not letting them have their cake and eat it too (PUN).
However, and this is something that I had to deal with on my son's most recent birthday, you have to consider who you are really affecting with this decision. It might be hard for you to have her at your child's party, but the party really isn't about you. It's about your child. Would it be good for them to have both of their parents at their party? Should you "punish" your child because of your x's actions?
I don't know all the details so only you can know what the right thing to do is. You mentioned that she still hasn't taken you up on co-parenting classes - so i guess I would ask you if you are at all concerned about making a scene at the dinner/party?
Sorry if I am missing the point of your question here or misread the situation. Just thought I'd throw in my 2c.
Keep on keeping on, bud!
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
I'm not at all concerned with my behavior. I can control myself (at least I think). I am more concerned about doing what is right for the kids, and if I should present her the opportunity to celebrate S's birthday dinner (even though it is my day) or if I should have the birthday party at all.
I know the party will be tough. Mixed friends and family. I am sure it will be tough, but the kids are already talking about it.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hi just my 2 pence worth but I would have thought that this s a bout you S and his birthday. No matter what your W has done she is still your sons mum. You seem to have decided to invite her so I would follow your gut. It's tough for you but S must come first
Well a small mistake mixed in with an incorrect assumption, and viola my plans are now up in the air. She had changed the color coding on our parenting spreadsheet (baseline dates are one set of colors, and changes are another), but I never caught it until now.
Heres the email exchange... I had a lot of other bad things in the third email, but I toned it way way down. At the crux of my problem is broken communication lines, and that although we may be doing the best we can by ourselves, we are not doing the best we can as two coparents.
First - "X, I never lined up the May & June Schedules until this AM. The first week in June is incorrect per the schedule, as a result I have them back to back weekends, when you should have them the first weekend in June. As I am sure you are busy, would you like me to update the schedule? Mahhhty"
Second - "Mahhhty, I realize that. My parents are bringing them to the airport Thursday to pick me up and then I will have time off with them, so my weekend starts earlier. It's just one of those weeks that does not fit into the schedule. Plus, I wanted to make it so that you had them Fathers Day weekend. On a separate note, what are your thoughts about S's birthday? X"
Third - "Last week, I started to plan out his birthday, under the incorrect assumption that I had the kids the following weekend.
My plan for birthday dinner was to go out or to get {restaurant} chicken fingers at the house, so he could open presents & have cake. For the weekend, I was planning a party on Saturday, and I have almost finished his birthday invites, menu & to do list."
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Next round... From X "You know it's not fair that you have him on his Birthday and the weekend after. Have it the following weekend when you them for Fathers Day."
My Response "I can understand how that isn't fair and I agree. I assumed it to be true and excused it without much thought (thinking you were traveling). As for the birthday dinner and the party, perhaps, I wasn’t clear. I want what S2 and D4 want, which will be for us to all celebrate together. In that light, I was hoping you would participate in dinner & collaborate with me on the party."
I did pursue her a little, but I have been in the dark for a long time. And this is my S's birthday. So I did put her on the spot. Perhaps I will learn something.
Any thoughts on how I am handling these things?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
