SunnyB | It's me who should thank you for your openness. I'm glad that you shared your own struggle. You ask how is it that I make it look so simple. I don't have an answer, and anyway it's not that simple in real life, but here are a few thoughts that cross my mind about it.

a) I accept that some relationship might be mutually satisfactory and short term. Is this an option that you might consider or is it important that your next partner have the potential for lifelong commitment? How does that influence your assessment of them?

b) I am building confidence that I can meet and attract the woman of my dreams. My biggest hurdle would be to approach her if we ever meet, so that's what I'm working on, on all fronts: IC, reading, practice. What makes you doubt that you would meet such a person? Any internal hurdles for you?

c) How much do we know someone early on? It is possible to enter certain relationships and let them evolve over time. It is possible and common that we realize we're meant for someone after several months or years. Do you feel rushed in making a decision with this man?

d) What kind of person do we seek? On thing that DB especially has taught me is that we can't fix people. But I'm a fixer and I'm attracted to people who have issues because I want to be the Nice Guy that solves them. As I wrote before, WW had immense trust issues and I came as the white night of Loyalty to her. Some of the women I've met in the last few weeks have their own issues and I can feel myself wanting to be the right guy for them. I'm trying to step back and remember that I can't fix them, and that I should rather choose someone with the right balance. How about the shortcomings of your suitor? Are they deal breakers? Are they a problem for you or for your image with others?

e) It might look simple because I'm the beginning and not yet entangled in multiple relationships with women who think I've duped them and who react badly to my lack of commitment. wink Joking aside, could it be that you're afraid to hurt others or just yourself?

I'm happy to continue the conversation on this.

Wonka | Nice try wink

raliced | I think we're on the same page, and so is the author. The conclusion is "For some, there is little innate temptation to cheat; for others, sexual monogamy is an uphill battle against their own biology." So it's not that the genes make you do it, but that cheating might be more attractive to some. It's the same for food, alcohol, addictions, etc. It seems to be a plain fact of biology and mating is so deeply ingrained that I'm not surprised some of the genes would influence our behaviors — among many other factors that you listed and all dependent on our free will.

As for the tests, I'm impressed that you remember your results! I think the "green" one put me almost squarely in the center, but with a tendency to become analytical under stress, which is quite accurate and explains in part why the worst fights with WW devolved into crying on her part and cold logic on my end. One thing that I've realized is that during any fight, the real message is "Tell me you love me" and I promised myself to show more care, which I've applied successfully with the kids.

I'm glad my path is of interest to you and truly appreciate your involvement, although I suspect that more of us are following it, just not sharing it so openly here where it's frowned upon (some have said as much). But it's also part of my therapy to learn to follow my desires without seeking to please others. In real life, I also have to defend that yes, maybe I'd consider taking WW back despite what she's done.

M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.