Thanks for the video suggestion. I watched it yesterday and do think it is true. Not only do we have desires that turn into expectations, but on top of that I am not sure many of us never fully communication all our expectations to our spouse. Maybe we leave out important details. Therefore, in many cases our spouse might not even know they are not fully meeting our expectations. Also, we are led to believe by the media and Hollywood what our marital expectations should look like. It is hard to live up to a fantasy with the realities of the "real world". We all face outside forces that also impact our expectations from being met.
Just as an example of where I see miscommunication and problems with expectations in my marriage was me having a this idea of "typical" married life starting straight away. Children, two incomes, family vacation, being weekend worriers, etc. I was not expecting those things to be put on hold by 12 years of schooling and each year that went by I became more resentful. At the same time, I knew we mutually agreed on schooling and sacrifices being made. Not sure I fully appreciated reality of it all at the time. Yes, my H knew I wanted those things, but not necessarily that I was let down by timeline.
That also brings me to two other things that fall in line with expectations and marriage. Entitlement and gratitude. Entitlement is deadly to marriage if we expect we are owed something in life and from our spouse. It is our responsibility to supply some of our own needs, not our spouse - i.e. Happiness and self-esteem. Enter the affair.
Finally, the one thing I keep coming back to is gratitude. I truly believe that we all take so much of the good in our marriages for granted by focusing on the bad. What would happen if both spouses focused on what they had to be thankful for as apposed to what was lacking.
Last edited by BW05; 06/01/1501:02 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
