I think we are reaching the same place emotionally at the same time.
Quote:
I think I am, at last, reaching some sort of detachment. I am finding that when I think of my situation these days, I can pause, step back a bit and watch instead of spiralling out of control.
Ditto.
Quote:
I still feel so sad and incredulous that ww wouldn't lift a finger to try and repair our marriage
You can't control WW. They are free to make their own mistakes. Do you want to be married to someone who does not want to invest in marriage? What if you were dating someone who had no interest in commitment or marriage? Now it is no different.
Quote:
and I still feel insanely jealous of om (I will not give them the dignity of capitals).
Here is where we differ. Anyone who would do this to a family is a hollow empty individual. no integrity. What does his future hold? What is his legacy? Does he have anything of which to be proud? You do. You took the high road - that is something you can tell your grandchildren. Don't be jealous of someone like that. He has nothing on you.
Quote:
Actually, I do not respect her decision. She has made it without recourse to all the facts and she refused to listen to me when I tried to ask her to go to marriage counselling. She has her blinkers on and shows no sign of taking them off.
You don't have to respect her decision. I used to ask my WW how she could do this to the children. It is a very selfish act. But WW will never see it as such.
Quote:
I got a card with a note from my in-laws on my birthday expressing sorrow 'about the break up
At least your ILs aren't conspiring with your WW. My ILs support my Ws actions 100%. In fact, they are probably her biggest cheerleaders and enablers. I would have appreciated some sort of apology from them.
Quote:
I feel compelled to set the record straight because I know she will spouted her "we're in transition, we're still friends and we're co-parenting' bull. I just want to say, actually, this isn't my idea, it's not a joint decision: nothing judgmental just that. Is that a bad idea?
No. I think Wonka has some sort of script stating that D is not what we wanted. We can be civil but we are not going to be friends after D. Not sure where I saw it. Sorry. Furthermore, you are not obligated to say this was your idea. MWD wrote the following:
Quote:
However, there is a consensus among professionals about a particular piece of advice with which I vehemently disagree. It goes like this- When breaking the news to the kids, parents should always present a united front. Regardless of the reasons for the divorce, parents are instructed to say that it is a decision made by both of them. Really? The truth is that most divorces in our country are unilateral decisions- one person wants out and the other desperately wants to keep the marriage and family together. In the rare situation where both partners are equally motivated to end their marriage, a united front makes sense. But when two parents are at odds about the viability of their relationship and tell the children that it is a mutual decision, it is a flat-out lie.
I have the rest of the article if you are interested.
