Coming back from my emotional abuse

[GoRoPo]

Thanks again Fogg.

Hey everyone, so I figured I'd post an update here. Journaling live here and so forth. If I get any responses, great.

So, as of this past Tuesday, my wife officially said that she wants a separation while we were in marriage counselling. After she said it, the therapist asked her how she felt, and she said it was like a sandbag lifting off her heart.

I kind of knew that was coming. I have had two DB coaching sessions so far (paid for three, finances are tight but want to continue as needed). Coach has been great, talking about all the opportunities that are there to DB, not focusing on the separation so much as what I do getting there, leading up to it.

I compare it to jiu jitsu. Using what how she expects me to reply, and doing the opposite. Haven't had a chance to implement any strategy from the last session, which was this past Friday after she talked about separation. She had already planned a trip to go visit her family in another state, and took the red-eye the next night.

One of the things that she said that was interesting was that she was super scared, and that she needs me but doesn't want me. Didn't hit me super hard or anything, just something I've been thinking about.

We have been super friendly in texts while she's been away. It's all so strange. Like she sent me text that she was sitting there in the room with the windows open, listening to the rain and watching the lighting. And that I did a good job that day (had a bunch of friends and kids over for a swim party). And "Goodnight".

I know it's foolish to hope that she will have some major change while she's away, come to her senses and come running in to my arms. Man how awesome would that be?

Anyway, just updating. We will see what happens. Right now I really have no idea how I can logistically move out.

One actual question:

This will be a controlled separation, at least that was the plan last time we spoke, with pre-determined "rules" and so forth, like no dating, how much or little contact, etc. She said that if she had a magic wand, she would wave it and we would be healed and together. She has said that her goal for this separation is to gain clarity and see if she can heal and open her heart to me again.

We have a pool house and another detached structure on my property that I use for an office. I really want to do this controlled separation correctly. Do you think that being in that close proximity would be far enough, enough space? Or should I continue to look for alternate options to get even further away?

Thanks for reading.