Now that you've told her all of this - don't repeat yourself. If the time comes - it should be her who initiates the discussion.
Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
X2 with the biggest blow horn I can use
raliced and Cali,
I will *never* repeat the ultimatum again. I was very clear with my demands. That said, she will never initiate. Too weak. Too far gone. I was going to say I've lost her, but it may be more appropriate to say she's lost me.
Originally Posted By: raliced
One last thing - about telling the kids. This is entirely from my own perspective and is influenced by my situation. When STBX left, I pushed for not telling the kids the full truth and just saying that he had to live closer to work for the time being. I viewed it as "keeping the road home smooth".... All I can say, is that now, I regret not telling D7 the truth from the beginning. I thought I was protecting her, but instead I became another adult who lied to her about her life. I won't do that again.
thank you for sharing that experience. I will definitely learn from it. Mozza and others have shown me that "not rocking the boat" has gotten me nowhere and even lowered my WWs respect for me. Furthermore, I really do not like lying (even so-called white lies), especially since my W does it so liberally. Lying has become a real trigger for me, so I try to stay away from it. I already told my W that we need to talk to the children. MWD sent out a bulk email with a sample script for how to tell children without lying. (I am happy to include MWDs original version in its entirety if anyone is interested - I assume most have seen it). Here is a script I am preparing based on MWDs advice.
Quote:
Mommie and I have not gotten along in a long time, and we have been disagreeing lately on a lot of things, mostly what should happen with our marriage. And you can’t have a marriage without both people agreeing on the marriage. The last thing we ever wanted to do was to cause you pain. We love you so much. You are the most important treasures in my life. That is never going to change. (We tried very hard to make things work), but we just could not agree. Since it takes two people to want to make a marriage work, and we don’t have that, we have decided that what we need to do is to get a divorce. We love you so much etc...
I don't think I need to mention to the kids what their M is doing, but I suspect they already know. And if they don't, they will figure it out as they get older. If the kids do ask me, I am certainly not going to be complicit in her lying to them. I can always tell them to ask their M.
