I don't know about genes making us unfaithful, but indeed if your parents were cheaters you probably either hate cheating or might do it yourself. That would be a behavioral thing and not genetic though. But perhaps our genes can make us more susceptible to certain behaviors.
From following your story I'd say your W is not the best choice if you value fidelity and consistency. At least not now in this phase of her life. Maybe she will change over time as she learns about herself.
I've cheated on boyfriends in the past when I was very young. Of course I'd say I'd never do it but when you are doing something like that you can always come up with an excuse for doing what you want in the moment. In my case, well, I was very young and stupid. Selfish. But also I was bored with the relationship and wanted out and no longer cared about the feelings of my partner. Since then however I have been loyal to a fault.
I do think this topic of hereditary cheating is interesting. I think my mother cheated on my father when she wanted to leave him, and then she left. It's an "easy" way to transition out of a relationship. And she cheated during some subsequent relationships. I never judged her, even as a child. So maybe that is my genes - maybe my genes allow me to see this as a crappy but normal part of human nature. Maybe it is learned behavior from mirroring my own mother. Who knows. Does it really matter?
They say the tendency toward addiction is also in our genes (or not). But then we make the choice. Will we do cocaine, or not? Will we eat 500 cookies, or not? Why not? What are the reasons why we wouldn't make destructive choices.
Maybe when someone cheats on YOU and you feel how much it hurts, you rethink your urges to do it. Or maybe you learn that it complicates things and it is better to just have a clean break and then do what you want afterward.
I probably would be afraid to get into a relationship (or reunite) with someone who cheated more than once in the past, unless they were able to clearly tell me why they wouldn't make that choice in the future. As I said above, if you asked me about it I would say that yes I have done it and I have learned why it is a bad idea. I think I can be trusted in a relationship.
So I guess the time for you to worry about this is when/if your W comes to you and says she wants to reunite. Then you need to ask her what she thinks about cheating. "It was a big mistake and I'll never do it again!" with lots of tears is not the right answer. I think the right answer is a logical, thought out explanation of exactly WHY it is a bad idea.
Big hugs to you Mozza! How's it going with the dating? Lisa
