Well, I was typing away and my reply just disappeared!
Job, I think you were the first person to draw my attention to the pursuer/distance dance, and I now recognise it as one of the ways that my xh emotionally engaged throughout our marriage.
When he first left he distanced himself for weeks months and even years (I can't honestly remember the details, nor do I want to) I suspect he wanted me to go after him, but even in the early days I realised that running after him wasn't a good idea, nor something I would ever want to do.
Now I am older, and I hope a little wiser, I see the dysfunctionality in this type of relationship very clearly. I respond to him, but I rarely initiate contact unless there is a need. However I try always to be pleasant. He is the father of my children, and warts and all I was married a long time, and very happy too. Funny, it is like the MLCer says - 'it isn't what I want any more'!
