Tulo, don't beat yourself up about it. I would find it very difficult to say no to my STBX.
Part of me would feel hopeful that he was still attracted to me, which would be a very dangerous road to follow. I am working with my IC on boundaries when I get back to the UK.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Look at the bright side Tulo...touching the hot stove is sometimes the best teacher. You might have just come as far today as you would have in 2 months of DBing on your own.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
If my wife offered herself to me physically right now, I don't know how I'd be able to say no. I don't put you at fault for any of it.
Try to get some sleep. You'll have better clarity in the...morning.
Thank you so much for the reply..
Well, I've only got 2 hours sleep but will try to get an hour or so more.. I'm so low but know I need to get through this. I think it's so difficult because I miss being close to him so badly.
I'm starting to question all my beliefs I've had of him, that he really is a good guy, when I start thinking about if he's already out and being open to a new R. I would never (normally) think he would do that and be intimate with me at the same time.. But have I been so wrong the entire time? None of my friends think that have meet him thinks so, could it just be all in my head?
Thanks again, got to try to sleep some more.. Hugs!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
People do the craziest things. Never thought my H of 14 years would cheat on me, hire an attorney to try and keep me out of the house, etc. Blew me away, it did. Still not sure if this is someone I want to live with...
But - I don't think our entire relationship was a lie. We had trouble for a long time and he wouldn't talk about it, so it got worse and worse. Eventually, he chose a really bad way out. Some people are good people but choose poor solutions when they are challenged. They don't have the tools or training to do differently, I guess.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I think all our spouses have done things that are not 'them'.
Thinking of believe nothing of what they say and 50% of what they do helps a little.
Tulo, I crave my H and want him badly too!
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
First of all, thank you for your kind post in my thread. I really appreciate it. I keep forgetting to mention that I am mostly Swedish and Danish (you show your location as Sweden).
I can understand completely why you feel so confused and down. I really felt that Painter's and Smothy's recent posts were SO supportive. They are both wonderful, as are you! Do not beat yourself up about this. It will only make you weaker. You want to be stronger, of course, and I feel you have it in you.
Are you trying any "180s" recently? I've been looking back in your thread and can't find any. I may have just missed them.
Keep detaching (hard to do, I know) and keep a PMA!
Sending *Hugs* and a prayer your way. You are going to get thru this. We are all here for you, Tulo.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
