Mozza (12) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Hey all - google for "Infidelity lurks in your genes", a recent opinion piece in the New York Times. Extract:

"We are accustomed to thinking of sexual infidelity as a symptom of an unhappy relationship, a moral flaw or a sign of deteriorating social values. When I was trained as a psychiatrist we were told to look for various emotional and developmental factors — like a history of unstable relationships or a philandering parent — to explain infidelity.

But during my career, many of the questions we asked patients were found to be insufficient because for so much behavior, it turns out that genes, gene expression and hormones matter a lot.

Now that even appears to be the case for infidelity."

I've always been interested in the interaction between biology and personality, so this caught my eye. It strikes me that the vaprossin gene, trust and empathy because my WW was not to be trusted so much but also that her lack of empathy for me (and the kids, and friends... i.e. she thinks a gift is something you like, not something the recipient likes) was a problem that even she acknowledged.

Also, in reflecting on my S and WW, I've been gravitating towards the thought that my WW just isn't built, like me, for a long term R. She cheated twice on me, once 5 years into the R, and then again almost 5 years later with OM when she left me. I, on the other hand, have been proven to be very trusting in negotiations games for instance. I also bond strongly with my close friends, who are numerous, and with whom I keep in touch over decades. No such thing for WW who would drop close friends every couple of years, much to my surprise.

This, of course, is of a certain importance for me as I wonder whether the S is the misstep of a WW, or something in line with my W's personality and character. If it's the latter, then it might just be hopeless to try and R with someone who's likely to do it again, and again. It would sadden me greatly, but better to know and deal with it. This is not a conclusion, just another piece of the puzzle.

(note that the article explains that these genes might explain infidelity, but not excuse it -- we remain responsible for our choices)