MLC W Dates, Part 9

[Rita]

Hi, Wet -- I still pray for you and your wife everyday, and I thought I would just let you know that I am still doing that. I still believe that if you turn your face to God and let her go, God will be able to do his work on her and your marriage will be restored. It will take a long time, but that's okay, during that time you have your own transformation to undertake. And you are doing that a lot, and you should feel proud of that.

I recently watched a friend of mine (who i believe is in MLC) do just what your W is doing -- she ended things with her husband and immediately inflicted the OM on them. She brought him to a soccer game, very similar to yours. Except for one thing. She has two little sons, ages 5 and 9, and he had children of the same age, all of them were at the game, so awkwardly and miserably trying to kick the ball around together and in between those two trying to show how comfortable they were touching each other in front of those little kids. So they are both going through their MLC or whatever darkness they are going through, and devil-may-care what it is doing to all those very sweet little kids to have to hear her introduce him to me as "my boyfriend," as if she didn't have a husband and as if she and her husband didn't help me together when I had cancer just six months ago. But you know what was interesting to me -- I felt SO CLEARLY how very wrong the whole thing was, like a Twilight Zone of what was supposed to be happening. It made my own path seem so wonderful, with all its pain. I couldn't see any happiness in them, just a desperate need to show they were happy. Watching her with this man at the game, I was sick to my stomach, and not because of my own situation. I could feel viscerally that what she was doing was wrong, for her, for the OM, for their spouses, everyone -- for all of us, because the breakdown of families hurts our culture on every level. And I also felt in my bones that it was clear they would be doing it for a while, but that at some point the truth would begin to dawn on everyone that their kids didn't want to blend families and that the new person had just as many faults as their spouses did. I felt I could see it all just as God does, with sorrow and hope and love for all involved, however lost they are.

I feel that when I read about your situation. The only thing I wish was that you could be less focused on her and less ready to have and/or joke about feelings of vengeance, etc. I think you should always be kind to her, always her friend. God loves your humility and knows your pain, he is there with you to undertake the intense trial you are undertaking, to continue to stand even when the pain is totally unbearable. Remember that that's what God did for us too in Christ, stood when it was totally unbearable to stand.

And there is a great article on this site that is the secular version of that.

http://divorcebusting.com/a_while_spouse_decides.htm

I'm not saying I am good at this. My heart is barely able to beat at this point, it is so broken. But I bring myself back to what God wants of me seven times seven times a day. I just keep lifting myself back up and toward the light. It will take a very very long time, maybe years, but I truly and firmly know in my heart that if you undertake what God is asking of you, that you can have faith that he will do the work on your wife and the scales will lift, the fog will clear, she will see the truth and all your kindness through her dark period and she'll know who she should be growing old with.

With love and strength for you and for your wife,

Gerda