Hi ralphy, I am not a vet so take my advice for what it is worth. But it seems to me that your W is trying to control/manipulate you. It does not look like these are the real signs of a W who is truly sorry for her actions.
Her giving you a hug and asking you to not see your attorney seem to me as her attempt at having her om and keeping you hanging on as her back-up plan. Did she give any assurances of her claimed "break-up" with om?
I would suggest you keep your Tuesday appointment with the lawyer. You are only getting information, and this does not force you to move forward with anything. But you have to protect yourself, and the lawyer can help you with this.
And make sure to STFU when your W asks you about what your plans are with the lawyer, and if she asks you about what happened when you do see the lawyer. Don't talk about, deflect her questions, and stay quiet.
This could be a good first step. But as Matt suggested play it slow. Keep detaching and db'ing, and see what happens. Good luck.
I told her "I'm sure that was difficult for you to do. It's probably the healthiest choice." She wanted to "talk", but I retold her it wasn't a good time, and she should take some time to digest everything from today.
Hi ralphy,
This does sound like very good news! I am happy for you, and I believe you handled it well. This is a critical moment but I'm not certain what your next step should be. I'll defer to the vets on this board. Wonka, Toots, MrBond, Sandi...are you out there?
I said a prayer for you as soon as I read your last post.
Interesting, this old saying just popped into my head:
Never run away from or toward anything too quickly.
Please take things s-l-o-w-l-y.
I agreed with Wet's post, too.
I wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I would pull back a bit. Allow W the time and space to process her emotions. Don't fall over yourself comforting her. Just listen and validate.
There will be many steps backwards a few forward steps as W goes through OM withdrawal. The first week will be critical for you to keep yourself centered. Continue doing what you've been doing with activities.
Yeah, you would want to proceed with L consultation regardless. Just to gather information and know your rights. Knowledge is power.
Most important thing is not to hold the A over W's head nor shame her. Look for ways on how to move forward together. You might want to check into Retrouaville now and see if you can get the pair of you signed up.
Wonka has come thru for me so many times. I had a feeling she'd be out there to assist you.
Wonka - you ROCK!
As Wonka put it...."You got this!!!"
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks everyone for the quick responses as I freaked out.
Wonka, I won't hold this over her head. I just want my wife and I to be able to work through what is going to be a very long process without OM in the way.
I'm going to give her space now. She's going out with some friends and an old college professor. I know this is true, and none of them know, so it will hopefully just be some good space between us and give her head some time to clear.
Still nervous on whether I can handle this right. Time will tell, and we'll see how committed she is to staying away from OM. Unfortunately they still work together. That obstacle may still prove insurmountable.
You're welcome, ralphy. I'm so happy to read that you won't hold this over her head.
Thank you for the update. Good luck sir!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
W came home tonight very obviously agitated, sniffing like she'd been crying, and texted me from the driveway "I'm home. Gonna have a cigarette. Up to you if you want to join me." (We quite smoking a few years ago.) Despite this, I went out and smoked with her. I asked if she had a good time. She said "yes". That was it. The rest of the time was spent shivering in silence. It's really cold here right now. Feels like October & rainy too.
Anyway, we went back in and sat on the couch. I was watching Storage Wars. We didn't say a word to each other. After about 5 minutes, I decided I wasn't going to fall into the "what's wrong?" Or "do you want to talk?" trap, so I simply said "I'm gonna go get ready for bed". She followed me up without speaking. I got ready, said "goodnight", (she responded "goodnight") and i came downstairs.
I don't really understand why she called it off with OM. If it's that painful for her, and she'd rather be with him, why does she care if I talk to an attorney on Tuesday? At this point, nothing in my mind has changed. She needs to initiate the conversation.
