Zelda - hang me up to dry

[Zelda09]

I caught myself singing and dancing in my kitchen today. Smiled when I thought of STBX complaining I was just an unhappy person. I felt a lovely light within me today. I know it is fleeting and tomorrow it may not be there, but it gives me hope that I am healing.

You silly man. A woman contending with manipulation, irrationality, gaslighting, twisting...and a man who projects all his misery and insecurity - of course I was not the joyous girl you first fell in love with. But it is not who I am at my core. Anymore that your charm and beauty is who you were. I cringe thinking of the time you were in the middle of stonewalling me for a week straight and became my loving H in public at a party, only to return to ignoring me when we got home.

I have learned I can be a better listener, develop my empathy muscles (instead of problem solving). I am sure I let him down in those ways, truly. But I really like me. I always have. I will find love again when I am ready and I promise not to look at a man for his potential and the emotional 'depth' he possesses, but what he already is and how mature his emotions are in practical matters and not idealistic ramblings.

"Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own." -Nora Ephron