Hi BW - I'm so sorry to hear that. As you say, it doesn't sound as though your H is in a place where he has your or the M's best interests at heart. Given that, I would focus on protection and self preservation. In terms of boundaries, what are the non-negotiables for you? If him having OP in the house is one, let him know that if this happens again, he will find his things packed up in the garage and he can find himself somewhere else to live. Or you may want to tell him to find himself somewhere else to live right now!
Without looking back, I'm not sure of all your circs, but I would certainly not consider ML just now, and if you are still sharing a bed, you may want to tell him you prefer to sleep alone just now. Have you read the boundaries thread at all? It is never about control of others, only about protecting you. And only allowing things within your own 'inner circle' if you are comfortable with them and they don't threaten your emotional safety or wellbeing.
Good luck with the convo and keep posting. We are all here to help (((BW)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
