Reality is my middle name

[123Gwen]

Almost 13 months since BD. In the last few weeks I survived our anniversary and celebrated the birthday of our oldest. Our youngest finished an entire year of school without any contact from her father. We rewrote some memories on a recent road trip to a city that held many family memories. I am stronger. Our children our stronger.

One of the most profound moments in the last month was a performance by my youngest. Her school hosts an honors showcase each year as part of their dance program. My daughter has studied dance since she was 3 and is very gifted. What started as a hobby has evolved into much more.

One of my biggest concerns over the last year was that D was not dealing with her emotions surrounding her father. I have no wish to bash him or dwell in anger but, to me, it felt like she was ignoring everything and it was a concern. She assured me she was fine but her air of normalcy kind of worried me....cut to this performance. There are simply no words to describe it. The song she chose and the choreography and her dance stunned me. This amazing young woman used her art in this safe place to show me that she was working through everything. It was intimate and beautiful and such a profound gift. I was 3 other moms who know our story and we were all crying. Her sister was there too and she had helped edit the music. I was a puddle but in a good way because my girl is okay.

All these positive things and he still haunts me. Hoping the next 8 weeks will give me some peace as I approach one complete ride around the sun since finding out the truth. Sorry to rant but I feel lost and isolated at the oddest times. I was with him for over half my life and practically all of my adult years.