Your wife is just starting to open her eyes and see what happened to her. She never dreamed that things wouldn't turn out the way that she had hoped. She realizes now that she has some work ahead of her to better understand herself and the why's and what if's of the entire situation. Continue to be a friend, validate and affirm, listen, but don't offer advice unless she asks for it. The one thing that you will need plenty of is patience.
You asked how long before the fog has lifted? It's going to take some time and yes, you are going to get frustrated that she's not through it yet...but it could take as long as it took her to enter into her crisis, it could be 12-18 months or shorter depending upon if she has the time and space to focus on her and her issues. Then there is another period of time, when she actually has to finally settle down and get comfortable in her own skin again. This step is beyond acceptance.
Lifes Twists, you are doing a great job. Dig deeper for more patience because this is where the road gets slippery because the spouse always wants to rush the process and trust me, it is better to allow her to go slowly and re-enter life at her own pace. If you can do this, she will be a far more mature and happy person once she's back and comfortable in her own skin.
If you haven't done so, you may want to read the reconnection there. It will help you better understand the re-entry process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
