Thank you Toots, RD and Bob for all your kind words and comfort, it makes such huge difference every time you guys write such encouraging words. It always pump me up.
Yesterday was a difficult day, but things changed around and I heard very good comments about myself.
As usual, I am a designated drive when it comes to drive in Denver, such crazy traffic. But I am always OK with that, I do not have much fear since I always drove in big cities.
I drove two friends to Denver because our brasilian consulate was here as an itinerant visit, so we can update our documents. We have dual citizenship.
One of the ladies did not see me for quite awhile and he comments were over the top. She look at me and could not believe. She said I was another person, that I lost weight and was looking good, she loved my hair and the natural color it has now. She even said that my skin looks much better.
She said that there is a glow that comes from me and that I am just a very different, beautiful person. She teased me saying that if it is the result of my D, that I should keep myself in that road and look good.
It was amazing, speaking in Portuguese the whole time, laughing at some silly lady stuff, they were crazy about how many lipstick I carry in my purse.
When we came back, we were feeling so good, we went to a local brewery and had some beer together to celebrate that we were having a good time. So, my day end up being a good GAL, without even trying.
I am feeling better, it is always good to share time with other people from the same culture. We, brasilians, are very open, we tease each other without getting offended, it is just the way we are. We are a lot about body, skin, we touch each other (not in a bad way), we are just very close to each other, and it felt really good.
One of the ladies said that if I start a Zumba class, that she wants to go with me, and of course, I need to drive. She also said that she wants to dance some samba since I am doing it more frequently that she wants to join me. She has a little girl but said that if her hubby is not in town, that she can get a babysitter.
This weekend I will meet with a Zumba teacher at some GAL bridal shower, lets see if I can arrange a class that will fit my schedule.
S15 is having lots of American football practice and is leaving for a football camp on Wednesday. He is very excited, but his father that is all about football, does not care at all. S15 was saying how he always tough that his dad would share this time with him and now it is like his father died long time ago.
It is like having a knife on your throat, it hurts deeply, but I just tough, I am here, and I can make the best I can for him and be there for him. He is not the first and won't be the last keep that has been abandoned by one parent. It won't be the reason for him to be down on himself.
Toots, as much as I think that there is a chance things can change and the M can be repaired. I know deep in my heart that it would be a hard work to heal all the wounds. I am not sure anymore if I want to go down that road.
Bob, that verse is so fantastic. It's just what I need to remind myself every day. I am a believer and he gives so much strength I can't even explain.
RD, my sweet RD, what do you really mean in my life. It is the most strange feeling ever. I do not know you, and yet it is like you have been in my life for a long time. You say sweet words when I need them, and you give me tough love when I need it.
Many times, instead of thinking about my H, I catch myself thinking about RD. Maybe it is because I am vulnerable and you are not a threat, you are a far away person, without a name, without a face. You are just the words I read.
It's yet some crazy journey, never tough I would be here, never tough I would need to talk to someone online and want to be a better person to show that one that I am worthy.
You are helping me to detach from my H. You are helping to see that I have value, that I am a good person that deserve better. I feel stronger because you care. Life is really strange.
I even have my mom saying that she is very nervous about my crazy head. She was asking me to think a million times before doing some stupid, she said some people on internet get closer to others just to do some damage. She even told me about this lady she knew from church that had this internet connection and when she finally met the guy, he killed her.
Wow! She said that I almost killed her with several heart attacks attempts each time some crazy happen to me, and there was plenty. But, that now I need to think I have three boys and they need me. Can you believe this?
Life is indeed good, and there is always new horizons ahead of us, I need to be brave and face one day at a time. Things will change, character may change, the story may take another direction, who knows, I think the best is to keep an open mind for what is to come.
