Whoa... bea... that is so right on... hardest struggle... from head to the heart. For sure.

Thanks for... reminding me that I'm human. I feel like I have stifled so many emotions with the process. And, unfortunately, I seem to let them out at the wrong time. It's been more like a process of what should be rather than what is. However, I do appreciate the growth it's given me. Insight. All that good stuff, but I have to allow myself to... be... too.

Yeah, Heather... I know exactly what part of the head! And... I keeeeeeeeeeeeep pushing!

Seems like a very bipolar experience... not to be insensitive... just... is. I mean, so up and down, when you least expect it.

I am good. I feel soooooo far from xh. I mean, like, so distant. I know for sure, I just don't want him.

I don't feel as sad about it. I see him for who he is now. That's sad... the reality.

But, he has hurt me so deeply, and he didn't have to. But, I realize how much better off I am. Without the lies, drama, hurt... choices...

I am so ready for my new life. Whatever it is.

I see why people get to this point and don't post much... it's like.. you are doing well, with several downers, but, what else is new? I feel crazier more than anything... if I post it all... which I tend to often do. I mean, it's so all over... progressively better, with several upsets. But, I think that's normal for abnormal.

I just really feel so separate and for the first time... I just really, truly want to move on. I still have to fully swallow that. Pray for it, but I know I want it.

Had another crazy sitch getting to d14 lax game... but it's like, seriously?? at this point.

Interactions w/ xh and kids... I just don't want to know. I just want total silence. I don't know if anyone else feels like that ever...

I also realize that there is nothing I can say or do...

I know I can't make anyone *realize* anything. I throw in the towel with that. If xh ever says anything, I may just say, "Yes. you are right." and walk away. I just can't do any other thing...

Next two months are totally jam-packed. Lots going on... good things, stressful things, and just... stuff.

I just want to get my house together. That's a priority. And celebrate s18's graduation.

Things are good. Things are OK. Lots to stress... but what's the point? Lots to enjoy.

Thanks to all of you for the support. I still come here.... because... honestly... I still need it.