Ripken - WW filed for divorce and I'm moved out #4

[Ripken8]

Defacto, so far so good. I've been trying to pile on my GAL activities. TUES I started my softball league with friends and that was a blast. Last night, I got the boys back so I have them tonite as well. We went to the pool and relaxed in the 80 degree weather. Aside from that, getting furniture set up in the new place has kept me busy. Probably a low key night relaxing with the boys in store for tonight.

This weekend I am kidless, but have some GAL planned. Friday will be spending time with a friend, probably watching some sporting event. SAT I take the Mensa exam (really just for fun, but curious how I do). SAT night I've been invited to a rooftop pool party in the heart of downtown KC - should be a blast. SUN, more furniture being delievered, shopping, workout, getting ready for the new week.

SUN night will prob hit me the hardest.

In truth, I'm trying to stay busy and while I still think about ww multiple times an hour, it's for a fleeting couple of seconds and then I can stop myself and go back to being in the present moment. Sometimes are easier than others. I've found I can let myself daydream for several minutes and then I allow myself to get triggered/sad.

Being on this forum, connecting with all of you helps immensely.

I haven't really had any contact with ww since dropping the kids of MON. Brief exchanges of texts each day regarding something with the boys - but not much at all. Really trying to keep my PMA up.

[RAI]

Sounds good - pretty much what I was thinking.

Why would I keep the key? Because it still gives me some attachment to her and what was our home/life together. Even though I'm out, I'd still psychologically be able to be back with the key I've had for 8 years.

That's the point and the reason I need to give it back - ATTACHMENT. If I am truly dropping the rope, there's no reason for me to have it.

Way to be, man.

RAI

[Ripken8]

Can use the group's help on sending a text. My ww is open to me dropping the kids off after work or her coming by to pick them up. My pref would be if I drop them off, so I can look my best and be mysterious. Here's the text I plan to send. Any suggestions/re-writes?

"Hey - I'm not going to be home much tonight. I can drop the boys off right after work. I'll be on my way out anyway."

[Defacto]

I would keep it simple and try not to lead the witness. Maybe something like:

"Hey. It's better for me to drop them off. Is that ok?"

[Ripken8]

Thanks - I sent that over and she said "sure, that's fine".

Worked as well as I expected. Now the plan is to wear a nice button down shirt with jeans, good cologne, etc.

I do have plans tonite, so I can be breezy, positive and ready to leave.

I also think I'll be dropping of the key with her. How should I approach that?

I was thinking of "here you go, I won't be needing this anymore."

Is that ok or would validating like: "I thought about what you said. I understand it's important for you to have your own space and I respect that."

What suggestions do you have?

[Ripken8]

Any ideas on how to phrase this, rather than just "here's the key"

[bravo61]

Just give her the key. Making a production out of it will get her hackles up.

[Ripken8]

Not trying to make it a production, but using it as a way to have positive interaction and detach. Maybe just giving it up, like it's no big deal (because it isn't) will speak more than a phrase/script?

Anyone else?

[Wonka]

Rip,

Stop looking for the perfect answer. Just go and give W the key..."here you go. have a good weekend." Then turn and leave.

[Ripken8]

Thanks wonka. I'm really trying not to overthink things but since I've moved out, gone dark and don't initiate anything, I'm trying to make the limited interactions we have count.