Teacher needs to become the pupil

[mahhhty]

teach -
I read through your posts thus far. I am sorry that you are here, but somewhere deep down inside you know that this place can and will help you.

First your H, isn't the person you know and were in love with. He is someone else. And I think implementing the LRT is very important. Like Cadet said, he will notice changes in you, even when you rarely see him. Your 2 kids will always be your bond and when he is done being stupid, the kids will be your connection back to him. That will never change.

SO... what the [censored] do you do now?

One thing that really worked for Bob was to dissect his relationship, so that when the time came that he saw his Spouse he would be able to live his changes, which will speak to them. I implore you to check out Bob's early threads (or mine) to find examples.

Basically, you should identify YOUR characteristics that contributed. Then come up for ways to counter those characteristics. This is very difficult b/c a lot of these will be behavioral issues that are hard to overcome.

Here were some of mine....
- Depressed - I was depressed b/c of being overworked, which resulted in being withdrawn with my family. I countered that by starting to say no at work and being more present with my children. I do more with them, and less work or time on my phone when they are around.
- Controlling - Like you I wanted to fix things immediately. In my mind everything was black and white (as an engineer). I read many books that helped me understand her perspective and also read books on validating her point of view. Now I don't provide any direction unless she asks for it.

Also, if you don't already know investigate what your love languages are and what his are. You should become the expert in his love languages to use those as tools.