He wouldn't even sit in the same room with me the last 3-4 years we were together. He preferred to sit in his home office to read. If he spent time with me it was only to watch tv. But he went to "office happy hours" and dinners 3/5 nights a week when he wasn't traveling.
He wouldn't plan date nights, either because he objected to the cost of babysitting or because he was tired of eating out because he ate out for work every day.
When I had my own activities I wanted to include him in he declined. Just said no. I knew better than to press.
If I suggested other activities, like concerts or hikes, he'd say no because he didn't know where to park. Or because it was too much trouble to find childcare.
Once I wanted to take the kids to the beach and he said ok, but he didn't want them to get sandy.
If I asked him to help with the kids he would ONLY get them into bed. Not ask them to put their dirty clothes in the hamper or anything. Throw balled up poopy diapers on the floor with dirty baby clothes rather than put them in the diaper genie. Tell the kids to bathe themselves (at age four) rather than wash them.
The list goes on.
There is no part of that life that is worth going back to. I would not have walked away because I couldn't be the one to hurt anyone like that, and I always hoped I'd find the magic combination that would get him to act loving towards me again.
There is no part of this that the sheer vow itself made worth enduring. Marriage is not an end in itself. It is a defined relationship with promises from and responsibilities to both partners. I loved him and saw good in him. I miss those bits of good in him sometimes . But he didn't want to be that guy while married to me. Expectations on my side have nothing to do with it. All I wanted was to be happy together and his desires and expectations of what efforts he should have to make precluded that. Maybe I do svck; it's possible. But on the other hand, I have many close and reciprocal relationships with a wide variety of people, and I'm highly engaged with my kids and my communities. He's got very little of any of that. So I do t really think it's me.
I did PLENTY of just serving. It didn't help. I don't think that's the necessary path.
Last edited by Maybell; 05/29/1502:31 PM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
