if it's too late why is he still here?

[lost18]

Well, H got word that he is finally approved for surgery. It is scheduled for Friday the 5th. For some reason I got all twisted up like...oh crap, it's all coming to an end. Had an appt with my IC and she said I was getting all worked up about nothing...

Well, this morning H asked if I had time to talk. His boss overseas had emailed him about a job and asked if he was interested. Of course he has to recover and get cleared.

Then the big stuff, "we need to talk about what's going on with us." If you remember I asked you for a divorce. I did ok on the DB stuff for some of it, not so good on others. He hasn't changed his mind, "isn't in love with me anymore" He has been texting OP but he says nobody special.

I wish I could remember everything that was said. I did say one of my biggest regrets was not making him feel loved and wanted because I did. Talked about looking back at the last 18 years and some of our(my) pitfalls. He said the last 6 years being away he drifted away from me.

Agreed that we get along and have fun, but he's looking at that as more of a friendship but thinks it's a good thing.

I guess he's finally ready to tell the girls. Doesn't want to go through lawyers, he is going to make sure we are taken care of, he cares for my well-being and of course his kids. He actually isn't sure filing D is the best thing to do. Financially with taxes, says I wouldn't be able to afford the house (of course I responded that he would have to support me legally) I wouldn't have insurance.

I did say that I accept it is what he wants, but it is not what I want and it makes me sad that he can't see potential.

After the conversation was pretty much over i was in tears and asked him for hug (I just really needed a hug) and he was kid of upset, said he thought I'd be further along than this. He said the same thing last July. We talked some more about

H is home...more later

[mahhhty]

I am so so sorry that you ended up here. I am sure the trip overseas had something to do with it.

"I guess he's finally ready to tell the girls. Doesn't want to go through lawyers, he is going to make sure we are taken care of, he cares for my well-being and of course his kids. He actually isn't sure filing D is the best thing to do. Financially with taxes, says I wouldn't be able to afford the house (of course I responded that he would have to support me legally) I wouldn't have insurance."

You have to pick yourself up now. For you and the girls most of all. He is going to say anything to let you down easy, but going through the process is not easy for anyone in any situation.

Don't you DARE go down my road and take the blame. Love is a flower that two people have to choose to water and nurture.

(((lost)))

[lost18]

I'm just feeling very alone. Although I knew this was coming I was hoping it wouldn't. Telling the kids will make it even more real.

I need to figure out how to let go, I'm just not sure how. Why do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?

I do think I'm going to ask him to go see some sort of counselor before we tell the kids. He may not agree to it but I think it would be a good thing.

Does anybody have any advice on not divorcing legally? pros and cons?

Obviously I'm not as crushed as I was with the original B but I'm still pretty crushed, just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.

[RAI]

Losty,

We all want to curl up and hide sometime. I'm sorry you are going through this.

(((lost18)))

RAI

[mahhhty]

In my situation, I tried to reason time after time. I tried to explain the idea that we couldn't have imagined a year ago being where we were, so how can we imagine what it would be like in another year if we worked on it. This only came across to her as disagreeing with the path she laid out. That path she decided on, in her bubble by herself. So my advice is don't do that. Perhaps ask a single question phrased very carefully....

H - You have obviously thought about this. I totally agree that our marriage is completely unsatisfying. This decision to divorce rather than work on ourselves and our marriage is not a course of action that I condone or agree with. It will come out the expense of our family, everything we know and the relationships we have with our children. However, I don't want to continue to live without a partner. As divorce decisions are purely unilateral in nature, I ask is there anything you believe we could do to work on ourselves and our marriage?

[mahhhty]

Of course you will have to do this 150% as a business transaction and not an emotional plea.

[Bob723]

Hello Lost,

I'm not sure I know what to advise. Hmmm....I'll have to think about it.

How are you feeling today? Any better at all?

We are all here for you!

{{{{{Lost}}}}}

Bob

[PigPen]

Sorry lost, sending you a great big hug.

And another one.

[mahhhty]

Lost - how are you holding up? has anything changed?

[lost18]

Thanks for checking on me. No changes, my car was finally ready yesterday and we went to pick it up and went to lunch...his idea as usual.

Played softball last night, went out with some of my team after and drove by my SIL & BIL's house on my way home, they were outside so I stopped and had a beer with them (I do this on occasion, not new).

This morning I cleaned the house a bit, he asked me for help with with something he was doing in "his" trailer, I helped him (honestly, a little begrudgingly). Then I decided to take off. A friend invited me to go to the beach with her and her friend. I packed up and went...left about noon, got back about 6. We went and had an early dinner and a few drinks.

I have so much in my head right now, I need to try to figure out where to go from here and how I want to handle the next few months. I need to get my thoughts together soon....

Sorry I haven't been around you threads lately, I'll try to get my head together and come visit.