Thanks for taking the time to read. As always, you have been in this journey to comfort my pain.
I don't want to bring a former love into my life. It's really about S21 and the right he has to know where he comes from. I had a lot of my family's input, mainly my mom saying that this is necessary.
I am at the point of giving up on everything, I did what I want but I am not happy with love in this life. I don't feel someone loves me enough for what I am. I know my kids and my mom love me and appreciate who I am.
But related to a partner, it is an empty hole in my heart. The difference is that this time I feel like this and I am learning it needs to start inside of me. So, I need to change the direction of how I perceive the world, how I react to the external events.
I do not want anyone in my life and I am really afraid of trying again. I understand that fear is a big enemy of happiness, but it is time to also understand I do not need to bring myself into any R and make someone else unhappy.
My focus need to be in my kids now, do the best I can to make them good men and have a good life ahead of them, besides that I just want to keep quite.
I am very tired of searching for love in my life, and never really feeling someone would go the extra mile for me. I am getting to the conclusion that some people are better of on their own and not in a R.
I did a lot for other people, for love, friendship, or just for helping. Like I said, I am a doer, but somehow I always made everything about other people and not about myself.
It's a hard lesson to learn, that you won't be selfish but you will put yourself first. For some, it is just natural, for me, it's a complete change of path.
Right now, I want everything to go. I will finish my Divorce, will give H the freedom he wants and probably deserve so he will be free of me. I will give A the happiness of meeting his son. And I will take myself out of their lives.
Since I was a little girl I said that the world is very big and in it I would find my happiness. I think I was wrong, the world is very big and I just hurt myself.
I am having a very hard time dealing with rejection. It has been a constant in my life in every corner. Some of my family, some friends, man I loved. Most of the time is because the way I am. Very independent, take my decisions by myself, a fixer upper.
If this is what brought me so much pain, then it is time to change. It's time to concentrate in myself and find some peace within.
I feel very unhappy with the life I built for myself, I feel that everything I did is a big nothing. I am letting go on it all now. My kids will walk their path and soon will be in their own life. And all the rest needs to go.
No one needs to suffer with me around anymore. The next chapter of my life I want to be on my own.
Thanks again for being such a gentlemen during this journey. You are an amazing person and deserve the best in your life. By the way, I hope you start a new thread and tell us how things are going with your W and those beautiful kiddos.
