Surviving the rollercoaster by getting off two.

[Karma12]

I'm very intuitive and the last couple weeks I found my STBX was popping into my mind constantly. I felt like I had taken a big step backwards because I had been feeling disconnected for quite a while and now I was feeling this "pull". Why was I feeling such a strong connection.

I have noticed when he sees me now he is more like the old STBX before BD. For example I was dropping off SD's shoes that she had left at my place. STBX was chatting with me at the door. I accidentally dropped one of the shoes. He bent over to pick it up and I dropped the other one just missing his head with the small heel. He looked at me with a grin and said that just missed my head! I looked at him with a grin and said " Karma". We both laughed after.

I finally decided to call him last night. Wine creates courage! Lol He answered and was driving with SD. They both chatted with me over the car speaker and I asked him to call when he had time later. He called back and I told him he had been on my mind a lot lately and I asked if he was ok. He said he'd been having some issues with his health and had also hurt his back. I told him that I wasn't sure if something was wrong with him or if I had been on his mind and I was picking up on it.

He told me he does think about me sometimes. He said he wanted me to know he has been told by others that he is emotionally unavailable. He said he'd like to get together for coffee and talk. He said he didn't like talking on the phone he'd rather we talk in person. He told me he didn't want me to think he didn't care about me or my feelings. I was very surprised that he was using communication skills and I statements. I was also surprised he wanted to talk in person. In the past he was an avoider soTalking on the phone I would have thought would have been easier for him.

He started his MLC at 40. Really obvious change at 41. BD was at 42. Now he is approaching 45 this Sept. I'm wondering if he is coming out of the tunnel. It sounds like he has done some reflecting and I was surprised at his willingness to communicate. I am working this weekend so the plan is to try and meet on Sunday before I go in for my night shift. I will fill you in after we meet.