Twin....I would love to be going to Disney! I've not been in years & everytime I make the plans, something always comes up. Maybe one of these days I'll make it back to California & go.
Toots...this rollercoaster just [censored]! Last night had my wine & quiet time to myself to think. I realized it really wasn't him pulling back, it was me. I'm so afraid that because things are moving forward, he will get complacent & stop putting forth effort. I'm sure everyone who was/is at this stage of the repair/rebuild probably felt the same way. It's tough knowing how far to push/pull. Since we are still 30 days from H coming home, I have a lot more alone time to focus on me, my needs, my wants & desires so I can articulate them when we are back together & in MC.
One thing this whole thing has really shown me is how much I needed to change myself & take back control of my life instead of pushing it aside for everyone else. It's also made me face some hard truths about myself that I probably never would have acknowledged. I wasn't the best wife I could be or as attentive as I should have been. Sure I did a lot of things for H & the kids. I made sacrifices for what they wanted. But by neglecting my own needs & wants, I became closed off & resentful. Whether intentional or not, I punished H by ignoring his feelings out of my resentment. And I blamed him for my unhappiness. If I had to find positives in this most painful of situations, I guess my newfound growth is it. Always a silver lining I auppose.
Lazy evening tonight. Having an impromptu movie night with the kids. They're all spread out in the living room with popcorn, candy & sodas watching Percy Jackson movies. It's the little things like this I'm most thankful.
M: 43 H: 40 M: 18y S17,D13 D12 IC 11/2014 BD 4/16/15 H home 6/25/15 OW2 EA 6/26/15 MC started 7/22/15 Baby stepping....
