Moving On - LisaB

[Zues126]

I love your post LisaB. Thank god you're validating your anger and working on processing it, and not denying it. I know I would feel angry too, for sure. The fact is I still feel angry at my STBX when she does things that are insensitive or disrespectful to me, or that are diminishing and hurtful to my children. I too feel I should be further than this...but then again we've both come further in a year than I ever thought we would have. So maybe BD is just so bad it DOES take 2-3-4 years to really get past most of it...and there may be things that always trigger a flash back. D is forever, just one reason why I believe in M

As for the coping tool...when I want revenge, when I am angry, I just remember this: Their character flaws and behavior impact me just a few moments here and there...they have to spend their entire lives as themselves. And while you may not see them suffer from their choices, let me ask you- why don't you betray those that love you and trust you for a ego trip? Is it because you'd be disgusted with yourself and would feel a sense of loss for never being able to look in the mirror the same again, for missing out on what it meant to be in a true committed M? Well, that's their road.

Betrayals and affairs are no different to me than doing drugs. Yeah Lisa, you'll never feel the rush of a dope high. You are really "missing out". And someone else gets to feel that way at the expense of you. And you may not see them suffer from that choice while you watch. But you know it's not doing them any favors, or they'd put horse tranquilizer in kids cereal (actually with my D8 that's not a bad idea...).

So those are the things I say to myself to combat the emotions when they rise up...and also to remind you it's not about you at all. Mature people wouldn't cheat on ANYBODY, not even a really bad, unsexy, unattractive, failure of a W. Therefore the fact that they cheated doesn't mean anything about you.

Personally from what I've seen you're in that 1% of women that seem mature and committed enough to be a good partner, so in my book you're top shelf. The bad news is 99% of men might not care about that. The good news is that the 1% that do will see how profoundly awesome you are for it and they will be in the top 1% that you deserve. Or something like that.