Hi friends! It's around the one year mark where things started to fall apart for me and my H. I'm happy to say I am doing ok. However there are a few things that continue to bother me. Maybe you can help?
OW. He left me for his sexy coworker. She was a friend of mine. I cannot seem to get over it.
I'm still angry with him for comparing me to her and finding her "better". I'm angry that he left what he described as a happy life with me for an uncertain future with her. I try to understand that he was infatuated, and his brain wasn't functioning normally. I try to let it go.
I'm still extremely angry at her. She was my friend. She flirted with my husband in front of my face. I let it go because I trusted them. She stole him from me on purpose to satisfy her ego, not because she actually really liked him. I think that might be what bothers me the most. They didn't fall in love, HE did. She was just using him, manipulating him. As soon as he left me, they had a brief tryst and then she lost interest. She hurt me and then she hurt him - for no reason.
And yet to top it all off, they are still good friends! How can he not see what she did, what kind of person she is?
I'm reminded of her often. I'll hear her common trashy name, I'll see someone who resembles her walk by, and I'm angry. I dream of revenge and I want her to suffer.
I don't want to think about her. But it just pops up.
The other day I imagined running into her and what I would say. The funny thing is, I would actually thank her for what she did. She saved me from a mediocre relationship that was probably headed nowhere. My life is so much more interesting and fulfilling now. I've made myself a better person than I was a year ago. But the way it all happened leaves me angry. Her role in it makes me angry.
Does anyone have advice for how to let it go? I don't dwell on it, but I don't want it to pop into my head. I have seen her around town and we have many friends in common. I will see her again. I don't want to show anger. I don't want to feel anger.
Will time be the only thing that heals?
One thing I have found that helps me a bit is to remember the ways I have hurt people in the past with my own stupid behavior. I didn't mean to hurt them, I was just being selfish and not thinking about the feelings of others. When I realize that I too have hurt people intentionally or unintentionally, it helps me to have compassion for her. Maybe someday she too will regret what she has done.
Does anyone have advice on the magic of "forgive and forget"?
